I Don't Like Mondays

My name is Brenda Spencer, I’m sixteen years old, and today I’m gonna be famous. Mark this day down in the history books bitches, ‘cause January 29, 1979, is a day everybody’s gonna remember —oh yes it is.

It’s Monday, and it’s freakin’ cold, so I ain’t goin’ to school. But I don’t need no excuse to not go to school, I hate it; and when it’s cold nobody’s gonna make me leave my house so I can sit in some boring class, listening to some boring teacher, tell me things I don’t care about.

Since Mom and Dad split, none of ‘em seem to care too much about what I do anyway. And mom…well, she left me here to live in this shitty house with Dad, like we don’t exist no more. I don’t think she ever liked me anyway; she used to look at me like she was scared of me.

I don’t care though, fuck em, fuck em both. After today, I’m gonna be so famous I won’t need any of ‘em.

I live across the street from Cleveland Elementary, a shitty little school in this shitty little town. I went there when I was a kid, hated it then like I do now.

Oh here they come, the little angels on their way to school. Every day I watch these brats come and go, with their Moms and Dads actin’ all lovey-dovey. My folks used to be like that too when I was their age, “Don’t get used to it brats, it don’t last!” Ha, ha, they didn’t hear me, but they’ll hear me soon. I’m gonna make the news, and not just here in this little Podunk town, but all over.

That weatherman said that today’s gonna be the coldest day of the whole year, maybe that means somethin’. Maybe it’s like some kinda sign that this is the right day to make my claim to fame —could be.

There’s that principal guy again; every day he opens that stupid gate and lets the brats in. He always has that dopey smile on his face, like an idiot. Soon, he won’t be smilin’, none of ‘em will.

Dad gave me this Ruger 22 rifle for Christmas, he even got a telescopic sight and a ton of ammo. He thought we’d just use it to go huntin’; I’m huntin’ alright, but it’s huntin’ of a different kind. Bet he never thought I’d do anything like this with it. What better way to get people’s attention? ‘Caus ya gotta do somethin’ big to get famous; and this will be big alright.

More kids and that dopey principal, now’s a good time to start.

Look at her, cute little pig tails and that pink backpack, she’ll be my first. Wow, she went down hard. There’s another one, this is cool. Look at dopey principal guy; fucking hero trying to save the kids. Ooh, he won’t be a hero anymore. Where’d that cop come from, I hate cops. Ha, ha one pig down.

Pop, pop, more down. Now some janitor is trying to help, ‘oh yeah dude, take that.’ Ha, ha, this is a blast. I got enough rounds to shoot at these fools all day.

Oh shit, I can hear the sirens now. Cool, soon the news people will be here and I’ll be on TV everywhere. Wonder if Mom and Dad will watch?

Here comes some ambulances now, and they’re making all the neighbors leave. Good, hated them anyway.

Who’s that calling me? Police probably got mom or dad on the phone to try and make me surrender. Should I answer it? I guess.

“Hello?”

“Who is this?”

“A reporter? How’d you get my number?”

“Why’d I do it? I don’t know. I ain’t got no reason, I just did it for the fun of it. ‘Cause I don’t like Monday’s and this livens up the day. It’s fun, like shooting ducks in a pond. No more questions, I have to go now, I shot a pig, I think I want to shoot more.”

Look at that pig with a megaphone, tryin’ to talk me into comin’ out. “If I come out, I’m coming out shootin!’” Ha ha, that’ll show ‘em.

I’ll just stay in here a few more hours, the cops ain’t going nowhere, and neither are the reporters. Just spell my name right, that’s all I ask.

It’s been a while now, ain’t no fun no more. I’ll walk out with my hands up, cops won’t kill a kid, I think, even if I did just shoot all them people.

I’m gonna finish my beer, then I’ll head out. As soon as I walk out that door, I’m gonna be famous.

Breaking Story: “There’s been a shooting at Cleveland Elementary School, in the quiet
community of San Carlos. Sixteen year old Brenda Spencer is the alleged shooter. So
far, there are two dead, and 9 wounded. After a 7 hour standoff with police, Spencer
surrendered without incident. When asked why she committed the shooting, she simply
said that she hated Mondays. Back to you Ted.”

___________________________

Guess I got my fame; didn’t last though. Been in the joint for over 30 years, now I’m an old lady and nobody really remembers me.

Sure, I guess I deserve to be here after shootin’ those people.

Would I do it again?

…I don’t know.