by Mackenzie Scherer
Jack smashes his lips against the cute blonde’s, smearing her devil red lipstick. The latest in his long string of conquests frantically drags her nails down his back. The pair sheds clothes as they stumble toward her bed. They land in a heap of clacking teeth and twisting limbs. Jack grabs his wallet out of his pocket searching for protection. He has had enough close calls to learn his lesson but that’s a story for another time. A bang erupts from the opposite side of the bedroom door. He glances up at the blonde in confusion until a voice comes from the other side of the door. “I know you have someone in there, open up!” The color drains from Jacks face, “you said you were single!” He pulls up his pants, grabbing his shirt he jumps over the bed to reach the window. Prying the window open he gets one leg out just as the door swings open slamming against the wall. Startled he falls out of the window as a giant with a base ball bat emerges.
Jack lands in the middle of a rose bush. Why would anyone plant a bush with thorns right outside a bed room window it’s just not practical. He screams in pain as blood flows from the hundreds of cuts. He crawls out of the bush scrambling to his feet. Glancing over his shoulder, the giant leaps out of the window swinging the baseball bat. This is not how Jack thought his night, well his life for that matter, would end. He can feel wind from the bat as he pulls a matrix style dodge. He sprints for the safety of the neighbor’s wooden fence. Praying for help he leaps grabbing the top of the fence to pull his self over. He lands flat on his back winded from the fall. He rolls struggling to get to his feet.
Jack smiles when the giant yells, “don’t come back.” he knows he has escaped with his life. What Jack failed to take into account is he landed in the yard of the most vicious dog in the neighborhood, the dreaded Snuggles. The smirk falls from his face when he hears a growl. He has no time to react. Snuggles has dug his teeth into Jacks ankle. Jack swings his leg wildly doing everything possible to remove the Chihuahua. He hops on one leg to the next fence with snuggles still hanging from his other leg. One last strong swing of his leg sends Snuggles flying across the yard with a yip. Using the few precious seconds he leaps the short fence to freedom.
He rubs his sore ankle, his head on a swivel for signs of danger. He sighs in relief, the new yard is clear. He strolls across the yard when suddenly flood lights flash on blinding him. Jack trips over the furniture bashing his forehead on the concrete patio. He crawls to his knees cradling his now bleeding forehead when he notices lights from the house. He stumbles in a daze towards the fence at the edge of the yard. Taking a moment to shake the stars from his eyes he nearly wets himself when he hears the distinctive click of a shotgun pump. Jack knows this sound well. He takes a chance glancing over his shoulder. He sees an old man hobbling out of the house with a shot gun pointed in his direction. He leaps with all his strength over the fence to safety right before the first shot is fired.
Jack lands on his feet running for his life. He spots a field of trees about a hundred feet from him. He reaches the tree line in record time. Jack clutches his knees as he attempts to catch his breath. He collapses, reaching into his right pocket, by some miracle, finds his still working phone. Tears of joy spring to his eyes as he searches through his contacts for the greatest man alive his best friend. Pressing send he hears three rings before the call is answered. “Matt I have had the worst night ever please come pick me up.” A short relaying of his last position later, the pickup is set for Oak Avenue.
Jack starts his journey poking his head out of the tree line scanning for any sign of the gun wielding old man. He sprints toward the safety of Oak Avenue. Sliding around the corner, tears spring from his eyes when his best friend’s car comes into view. He throws the door open to an odd look. “I’ll tell you later dude.” Is all Jack has to say. His best friend beings as awesome as he is shrugs, he turns the keys into the ignition. A sputter is the only response from the car. “Looks like we will have to push start it Jack.” The guys open the doors jumping onto the street pushing the car. “On the count of three we jump in the car.” On three the guys jump. “See Jack that- Jack?” glancing back Jack can be seen rolling through the intersection. Jack lays flat on his back wishing he had never left his bed.
“Hey I thought I told you never come back?” Jack quickly sits up to see the giant from earlier smoking on the porch. He was struck with a grim realization; he was back where this whole mess had started. Jack jumps to his feet sprinting towards the still rolling car. Glancing back he sees the giant hot on his heels. Leaping he grabs the car door swinging himself into the car with grace he didn’t know he possessed. Slamming the pedal to the floor the tires spin catapulting the car far from the danger.
Ten minutes later the check engine light flashes. A local gas station seems like the best place to pull over to address the situation. “Matt I need a smoke.” Jack bums a cigarette, before he makes his way to the designated smoking area to the side. Flicking the lighter he gets nothing but sparks. Figures this fits right in with his night.
He sees a woman smoking at the other end of the building. Jack limps towards the woman in desperation. He reaches his hand out to tap her shoulder. Suddenly the woman spins towards Jack with a can of pepper spray right in his face. “I just wanted to borrow a lighter” Jack screams as he rubs his burning eyes. “I am so sorry!” the woman says. She grabs a bottle of water carefully washing the pepper spray from his eyes. The greatest friend ever sprints towards the pair fully prepared to defend Jack. The woman, Lizzie, explains the situation to a laughing friend while poor Jack sits silent, defeated in tears on the sidewalk.
“And that my friends, is the true story of the night these two met.” Matt raises his glass to toast the newly married couple. The reception hall erupts into laughter. When the laughter finally dies down Jack stands to make his speech. “Other than Matt’s personal touch to the story… that is the true story of how a bad day and a few scars can lead to a life time of happiness.” Jack says with a happy smile.