This story is by Kimberly Dawn Rempel and was part of our 2018 Spring Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.
The four had been searching for a way out of the windowless, hinge-less room for hours. Jordan paused her fingering of the padded wall to check over her shoulder. The other three searched at the far end of the big open room.
“Yes! Found something! It’s a button!” one of them said.
“Push it!” said another.
CHHHSSSHHHT. CLICK-CLANK. A panel emerged from the wall like a pocket door and slid across the floor. Everyone froze, watching it lock in place to create a new wall in the big open room.
They had arrived suddenly and mysteriously that day; no one knew how, or even where they’d come from. In their search, they had discovered no air vents, no daylight, no hint of escape from this tomb.
For hours they’d come up empty.
Until now.
The button pusher gasped, “Oh! Okay! I got it – I got it! The buttons move the walls!”
Before more discussion could happen, a third called out, “I found one!” and pressed it.
CHHHHHSSSSSHHHHHT. CLICK-CLANK. Another panel emerged, this time from the ceiling, and locked into place across the room, next to Jordan.
She stepped out of the way, but it caught the corner of her shirt as it sealed. Jordan pulled hard, but the new wall gripped her shirt. “Guys!” she called to the others, “GUYS!”
Their frenzied button pushing drowned out her cry in the hiss and clank of wall panels. The large open room was quickly becoming a series of tunnels and boxes.
Her shirt was locked in. Jordan would have to ditch it. Just as she pulled an arm out of a sleeve, a second wall panel slid into place beside her, creating a corner. Her heart pounded as she turned around to unwrap herself from the shirt and began pulling her second arm out. A second panel rose up from the floor right beside her, boxing her in on three sides.
She had undressed before and knew how to remove an arm from a sleeve. In that panicked moment though, with heart racing and adrenaline pumping, she was fumbling. The pull of the arm and tug of the shirt refused to coordinate. Still tugging, she called out again, “GUYS! HELP!!”
Caleb, one of the three, turned when she called. From across the room their eyes locked as he took in her situation and she continued to wriggle her arm.
Just then a panel rose up from the floor in the opening. A wave of electric fear surged through her, and the moment unfolded in slow motion. She pulled and tugged on the shirt. The shirt wouldn’t let her go. Caleb’s eyes widened. She thought he yelled to the others to stop, but sights and sounds blurred together as if underwater. She watched Caleb raise a hand as if to stop the panel from afar, mouthing, “NOOOOO!!!!”
Jordan wriggled free of the shirt and darted for what was left of the opening. But it was too late. Caleb disappeared as the panel slid closed, encasing her in a floor-to-ceiling lightless box. CCHHHHSSSSHHHHT. CLICK-CLANK.
The box was eerily silent except for the sound of her own panting. Jordan stilled her breathing in the darkness, and slid her fingers across the walls. They surrounded her on all sides. She raised her hands and felt nothing above her.
Suddenly that dreadful sound thundered in the box. CHHHHSSSSSSHHHHT! Her hands felt the pressure of a ceiling panel pressing down on them. She pushed back against it in the dark, panicked. The panel was stronger and slowly descended on her. With one hand pressing back on the panel, she got down on her knees. The panel kept coming.
“No!” the word seemed to die, muffled in that shrinking space.
From on her knees, she pushed on the panel with both hands, but it continued to descend. She flipped onto her back, now pressing hands, feet, and knees against the panel. There were no words for such a moment, just gasps and grunts in the darkness.
The ceiling panel stopped just short of crushing her, leaving her in an upside down fetal position with no room to move. Catching her breath, she traced the walls with trembling hands, searching the darkness for a handle, a button, anything.
That’s when she found it. There on the ceiling panel she felt two metallic buttons, side-by-side.
As she considered her options, an icy shiver ran down her spine. If she pressed one, it might release her from the box. Or it could crush her. Her breath quickened at the thought. If she didn’t press any, she could suffocate or die of thirst in this black place. Was this thing air tight? She worked to pace her breathing as she traced the buttons with a finger, first the right button, then the left.
Which one? Which ONE?!
Jordan felt for some difference, some clue about which was better. They were identical.
“Please, please, please,” she whispered, then held her breath.
With a trembling index finger, she pressed the left button.
Hot tears burned her eyes as she blinked and searched in the darkness, seeing nothing. That second of silence lasted an eternity. Was it over? Did it move a panel elsewhere? She kept her fingers pressed against the ceiling. Every limb tensed, pressing against all sides of the box.
Then she heard a throaty metallic sound in the distance, like something unlocked. She felt a jolt in her fingers as the ceiling panel shuddered against them. Yes! This is—!
Before she could finish the thought, the panel lowered against her hands.
No. NO! She heaved against it but it kept coming. She wondered which of her bones would break first. Will this feel like suffocating? Or being squeezed so hard I explode? She groaned and pressed against the panel.
The ceiling lowered slowly. In less than a second and less than an inch it pressed her legs against her chest. Air pushed out of her lungs. Please, no! Shallow breaths became throaty gasps. Her knees pressed hard against her ribs. Harder. Her lungs wouldn’t take air anymore.
The box was silent.
Suddenly the panel shuddered against her shins and reversed direction. As it rose, her knees lifted from her ribs. She gasped as if surfacing from underwater. Her eyes fluttered in the darkness and hot tears slid down her face and into her hair. The panel continued to rise higher. Farther. The panel hissed as it moved away. Jordan pulled herself to sitting and let out a laugh-cry that sounded like a messy gulp.
The panel locked into place overhead and she was once again in a floor-to-ceiling box. Jordan’s whole body trembled, and she pulled herself to sitting.
Now what? After all that, she was still trapped in a lightless, possibly air-tight box. She fingered the walls again, searching for another button, unsure she wanted to find one. Minutes passed. As she searched, she heard her breaths become short. Was the air thinner in here now? Maybe it was airtight after all.
Then, near her shoe, her fingers found another metallic button. Just one this time. Her hands trembled and legs turned to Jell-O at the thought of doing it all over again.
I can’t.
She slumped her back against the wall and let out a hollow sigh. Maybe suffocation wouldn’t be as bad. I’d pass out. It would be peaceful.
But she couldn’t shake that relentless hope – that senseless, baseless hope that maybe this time….
I have to.
Jordan braced herself. With back and feet pressed against opposite walls, and hands ready on the others, she reached a finger to the button.
I have to try.
She tapped the button. A wall jolted.
What have I done?!
The panel behind her unlocked and began moving. She pressed her feet against the wall and pushed hard, willing her feet and legs and back to be stronger than the panel.
CHHHHSSSSSHHHHH
The panel moved upward. Light spilled into the box as it lifted. Before Jordan realized what was happening, she tumbled backwards out of the box. For a moment she lay on her back sucking in oxygen-rich air. Then, as she rose to her feet and scanned the room, she blinked and squinted, adjusting to the light.
Three things were different in that maze of tunnels and boxes. Everyone was gone, for one. Also, she noticed an opening had appeared in the outer wall. It seemed to lead to a white florescent corridor. The exit! They found it!
Then she noticed a floor-to-ceiling box in the middle of an open area. It looked big enough to fit three people.
Or maybe they didn’t find it…
She eyed the exit, aching to run for it.
She glanced at the box, sighing at the thought of their possible trials inside of it.
Jordan bit her lip, scanned the room once more, and stepped into the corridor.
Kim, I am not a fiction reader but this short makes me want to become one. You had me at the edge of my table and with every “CHHHHHSSSSSHHHHHT. Click Clank” my breathing seemed to be more suppressed having to read on in fear of the next one. Oh, my if I were a drinker, after reading g this I would need one to calm me down! What an excellent piece of work!!
Haha, love it!! Thanks so much for reading!
Wow, Kim!! Being claustrophobic it was hard to actually read this but only because I automatically want to hold my breath. I literally felt like this was happening to me , her emotions were my emotions. You had me panicked from the moment her shirt was caught. Well done my friend!! I do want to know what happens though. So I am anticipating the sequel!!
Awesome, thanks so much for reading!!
Even having written it, it makes me feel those things 😉
Hi Kim
For someone who has never written fiction this is a great start to continue writing & add this into your repertoire of writing.
Thanks, Barb!
I’m really enjoying dabbling in this new form of writing. It’s so fun!!
Kimberley, by golly, You wrote that? All that spilled out of you? How could you? Are you ok? My gosh girl, that was superb.
The moment her shirt caught, my eyebrows receded to my hairline! OMG! And I found myself economizing on my own breathing as the words kept my eyes focused on the page. Shiiiish! Oooph! That was some story.
You are a winner already. You better believe that! You my friend, wrote an incredible story, AND this mama loved it.
You’re up there with the story of one other person I know who entered this contest.
I love Joe Bunting’s BW contests. I’ve entered three there already. Never Won (Won) but I’ve always won something from it.
You go girl. 50claps for you! Thanks, I wish you Miracles, Selma.
Wow, thanks so much for that, Selma!
I love that you were economizing your breath as you read 🙂
Wow Kim! That was… intense. I felt like I was actually stuck in that box! Great writing and very engaging. You had me hooked from the first line…
haha! Sweet! Look at that… you might become a fiction reader after all! 😉
Kim ~ keep writing!! Wow that got me…. I sure felt all the emotions and it drew me in and I HAD to know how it ended…. good luck!
Awesome! Thanks so much for reading 🙂 (And voting!)
I found myself in a panic reading this! tight dark places, stuck shirt ahhhhh!! holding my breath….. I look forward to more!!
haha, awesome! Thanks for reading, Maria!
Loved this Kim!
Thanks for reading! (and voting!)
Love it… except now I want to know what happens next!
Haha, totally! Me too!
Great story!
Thanks for reading! I’m glad you liked it.
Please remember to vote for this story in The People’s Choice Award: https://buff.ly/2EJduIN
Great story would love an ending!
Although I don’t read fantasy, I felt the claustrophobia rise as I held my breathe. Good job. Hope you win.
Hi Barbara,
Thanks for reading! Love that you were holding your breath. 🙂
Well written!
Could totally picture the scenario..you would think i was there, my heart was pumping hard at the thought of being stuck like that!
Oooooh, sweet!! I love stories that get my heart pounding too 😀
Thanks so much for reading! (and voting!)
That was an awesome shirt story. Short stories are a lot harder to write than most think. You did an excellent job. Loved every hard to breathe word. Keep going girl, you definitely got it!
Wow, thanks for the encouraging words!!
This is great, Kim! This story had my whole attention and left me wanting more.
Awesome! Thanks for reading it, Janette!!
Hi Kim I loved it! I want more! I want to know what happens next and what happens to her friends?
Thanks for reading!! Yeah, I want to know that stuff too! (I hope to make it into a novel. . 🙂
I can finally breathe! I don’t think I’ve read that fast in a long time. I wanted Jordan to get out of the box, and I needed to get out, too! “Captivating” seems weak but somehow, “suffocating” isn’t positive, so I’ll stick with “powerful!”
Hahaha!!! You make me laugh, Pat. I’m glad you can breathe again 🙂
Thanks so much for the descriptive and encouraging words,
for reading, for voting, and for your general support.
You rock 🙂
Kim, this is absolutely amazing!!! You need to know, I’m not an avid reader by any means, but this! This kept me in suspense right till the end! Now I wanna know what happens next!!
Well done!
I love that you came to read this anyway, not being an avid reader. I appreciate that!
And I love that you enjoyed it, too. I want to know what happens next too! 🙂
Great story Kim, definately kept me on the edge of my seat, very well done!
Awesome! Thanks so much for reading and voting! I really appreciate it.
Great story, Kim! (Voting!)
Hi Kim! I loved your story the first time I read it and love it even more now. Your fast-moving, nail-biting action kept me at the edge of my seat and left me wanting more! Best of luck in the contest!
– Jen 🙂
Great job, Kim Rempel!
Thanks for reading!
Hi Kim,
You had me sitting at the edge of my chair.i was so wrapped up in it. I actually forgot who had written it and wondered for a minute if this the write up o a movie. I now want to watch this movie and see what happens. Very well done. You have amazing talent!!
Oh, I love that! That’s how I feel about it – like it’s already a movie. I see it all in my mind like one. Thanks for that. 🙂
Great story. Would love to know the ending though
I know, right? Me too! Lol
Thanks for reading!
Fantastic story, Kim! You build the tension and don’t let up until the very last minute! You kept me reading and wondering all the way. Great job!
Awesome, thanks for reading! (And voting!)
Kim,
I really love this story! As I’ve said before, the suspense you create here kept me riveted and on the edge of my seat from beginning to end. And on a second read, that tension still holds true. Great job and best of luck in the contest!
Sarah