Short Fiction Break

Break From Reality. Daily.

  • Stories
  • About
  • Staff
  • Contests
    • Current Contest
    • Past Contests
      • Spring 2022 Contest
      • 10th Anniversary Contest
      • Spring 2021 Contest
      • Fall 2020 Contest
      • Summer 2020 Contest
      • Summer 2019 Contest
      • Fall 2018 Contest
      • Summer 2018 Contest
      • Spring 2018 Contest
      • Winter 2017 Contest
      • Fall 2017 Contest
      • Summer 2017 Contest
      • Spring 2017 Contest
      • Winter 2016 Contest
      • 5th Anniversary Contest
  • Submit

The Foolishness of Kekoa

May 14, 2021 by Spring Writing Contest 2021 200 Comments

This story is by Neku Onoja and won the Readers’ Choice Award in our 2021 Spring Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.

Seventeen-year-old Neku Onoja has loved to write since she was eight and has a wealth of unpublished stories. Originally from Nigeria, she’s currently studying at Weil Tennis Academy in California, and has been accepted into George Fox University in Oregon. You can find her on Instagram (@nekuonoja) and TikTok (@btsarmy1015).

The Foolishness of Kekoa

All alone with nothing left is Kekoa, the brave one who nearly escaped and also escaped being eaten by the piranhas. He is forced to go on a terrible journey as a punishment for his stubbornness, but before we get to that let’s step back in time to see how all of this happened.

To a small village located somewhere on an island known for its peace and unity with the people. But not everyone thought of the village this way because they were jealous of a prince called Kekoa. He is not only the heir to the throne, but he is also a spoiled child, who is believed to bring destruction rather than peace to the village. Well, at least that’s what they think.

One instance that proves his demise is when he was walking in the market one day as people looked with both fear and disgust, as Kekoa stopped and looked around with a smirk. As soon as he smirked, everyone disappeared but his next victim. As he approached his next victim, shaking in fear, he opened his mouth. His teeth were that of a shark, and from his throat to his mouth came a glowing bright light which was sucking the soul out of his victim, every single drop out of him.

“Ha!” rejoiced Kekoa. “Now who could dare stop me now, for yet I have another victim and there is no one here who can stop me. Hahaha!”

He rejoiced like he was invincible, but unknowingly to him, the angels heard of this and had enough. They went to tell God of his doing before he would torture more innocent people’s souls.

“Ancient One!” exclaimed Angel Micheal.

“What is it, Angel Michael?” asked God.

“Father, it is Kekoa. He . . .” explained Michael.

“I know,” God interrupted with a look on his face.

“So what do we do, Father?” asked Micheal.

“I shall go down there and talk to him myself,” replied God.

“But Father . . .” complained Michael.

“Do not worry, for he is my child whom I shall not touch or harm, but I shall punish him for his selfishness,” explained God. “Now that we know the plan, we shall go.”

“Yes, King!” exclaimed both angels.

“Open the gate!” God commanded.

As the gates of heaven opened under His command, and as the angels prepared with their weapons and armor, they went through the gate which led to heaven. As they arrived, the Earth began to shake like that of an earthquake, the animals hiding in fear as they heard the footsteps of the Lord getting bigger. Even the birds scattered into the air as they felt His presence. The village people too could feel His presence and fled to hide, but the Lord only came for Seiko.

“Prince Kekoa, why art thou hiding from me?” God questioned.

“My, my, my Lord!” Prince Kekoa exclaimed. “I have not forsaken thee, my Lord.”

“Then why are you torturing and killing innocent blood?” God demanded.

“I, I . . .” Prince Kekoa stammered, putting his head down in shame.

“For you have not changed, Kekoa, and as such I shall punish for eternity,” God decided.

“No, my Lord! Anything but eternal punishment, I beg of you,” pleaded Prince Kekoa.

“You should have thought of that before killing my people. From now on, as part of your punishment, you shall not be human anymore, for I shall turn you into a werewolf who shall wander into the wilderness of the Forbidden Forest for eternity, and you will not eat or drink as you do your punishment,” God declared.

Just as God commanded, his body began to change. His hands and legs turned into a werewolf, his ears as long and hairy as a werewolf, his nose long and wet, his teeth sharp and long, his eyes glowing as bright as a star, his face and body full of hair. With despair and shame, he could not carry all these burdens. So He decided to lighten the burden he carried.

“I know all this burden may seem too much for you, but since you are still my child, I shall let no one nor nothing harm you, for you are anointed,” God explained. “Now go, and begone from me, and face your punishment.”

“Yes, my Lord.” Prince Kekoa obeyed as he proceeded into the Forbidden Forest.

“My Lord, why did you not just kill him and get over with it?” Angel Michael asked.

“Why would I? For he is still one of my children, and I love all my children whether bad or good. I still love them especially when they seem to be non-perfect,” explained God.

“But Abba, Kekoa has killed so many people. Why do you forgive so easily when the cries of the innocent people are pleading for mercy?” Angel Micheal questioned.

“I am aware of the people he killed, but he is still my child and I still love him. Now is there anything you still want me to explain?” God asked.

“No . . .” replied Angel Michael.

“Look,” God said, as he put his hand on his shoulder. “I know you are angry, and you have every right to be, but that is my child, and deserves to live, for it is not yet his time to die,” God explained.

“Alright, Father. For I trust you and have no right to doubt you because you always tell the truth and everything you say always has a reason for it.” Angel Michael obeyed.

So God and Angel Michael prepared to go back to heaven, while Kekoa, who was a werewolf, began to wander in the forest: hoping to please God, but when he thought he could he found two creatures who looked like mermaids, only this time they had legs.

Note the conversation going on is between Keiko and Seiko. Seiko is the first to speak followed by Keiko.

“Well hello there,” said one of the mermaids. “Are you lost, little one? If you are, you could come with us.”

“Stop it, Keiko.”

“Why, Seiko? You always love to spoil the fun. Hmph.”

“Well, because this is an anointed one, and we are not allowed to touch.”

“You mean . . .”

“Yes, he’s one of them. Besides, no normal person would come here unless they have a reason to.”

“Well, I guess that explains it. Come on, Seiko, let’s get out of here.”

“Hold on!”

“What?”

“He looks lost shouldn’t we help him.”

“What?! Are you crazy? Do you know He belongs to God, and we are not allowed to touch him or go near him for whatever reason at all?”

“I know already, but we still have to help him.”

“Oh please. Don’t you remember when God abandoned us when we needed Him most?”

“Abandoned? He didn’t abandon us; we betrayed Him, remember? We fell for the devil’s trap and it disappointed Him a lot, but we still have a chance to change and go back to Him.”

“But what if He doesn’t want us back?”

“Well, I hope that won’t happen.”

“See! Even if you are not sure about it, how do you know?”

“Because He is a good God who will always be there for us, for He loves us. Now come on, let’s go.”

As Kekoa watched the interaction between these two creatures, he noticed something about Seiko which he had never known before. He saw the humility and loyalty in which Keiko showed how much she loved God by displaying just how much she really loved God. All this left him speechless and made him realize he needed to drop his pride, so he could change to please both himself and God.

Kekoa knew he could not do this alone, so he decided to ask for Keiko and Seiko’s help, but to tell them was impossible because he could not talk which was part of the punishment he got as a werewolf. So now he knew he was doomed, for he did not know any other way to tell him. So in order to get their action, he decided to act like a werewolf.

“What is it? You can’t talk because it is part of your punishment for pride and selfishness, isn’t it? Oh wow, that’s sad, but you want to make it up to God by restoring yourself,” Seiko interpreted.

“Wow! That’s a lot to understand for an animal interpreter,” Keiko exclaimed.

“Why thank you,” Seiko replied sarcastically. 

They both looked at each other and just laughed. This made Kekoa’s heart filled with warmth, for he had never had this feeling for a while. Just when everything seemed to be perfect, the ground began to shake and the ground opened which swallowed both Keiko and Seiko. Kekoa, left alone, ran and ran thinking he escaped only to be found in the river where the piranhas were eating him alive.

Kekoa tried to fight so much and struggled, but luckily for him, he managed to survive his death as God promised. Left all alone, Kekoa was left to walk all alone in despair, and continue to go on his journey on his own, for he had learned the consequences of his actions. What will happen next? Who will be his next helper? Are Keiko and Seiko still alive? These questions are to be answered in the next story.

Filed Under: 2021 Spring Writing Contest, Drama

« Looking In
CT L SB »

Comments

  1. Mary says

    April 6, 2021 at 6:48 pm

    I just can’t wait to read what happens next

    Reply
  2. Olaoluwa says

    April 6, 2021 at 7:00 pm

    A really intriguing piece!

    Reply
  3. Ben says

    April 6, 2021 at 7:38 pm

    GOD’s Mercies…quite interesting

    Reply
  4. Blessing says

    April 7, 2021 at 2:06 am

    Wow very interesting and captivating

    Reply
    • Emmanuel Nyipira says

      April 7, 2021 at 9:18 am

      Your potential for story telling is quite remarkable. Keep it up

      Reply
  5. Abosede Grace Oyishoma says

    April 7, 2021 at 2:31 am

    Interestingly we enjoy God’s mercy and we don’t see it.Welldone Neku..

    Reply
  6. Christianah Abosede Akindolie says

    April 7, 2021 at 3:45 am

    Thought provoking story. This shows the character of God…ever loving and merciful. Well done Neku!

    Reply
  7. Mukhtar Mohammed Musa says

    April 7, 2021 at 3:52 am

    Good job Neku, you are doing well…..keep it up. We proud of you.

    Reply
  8. ALOZIE ORJI says

    April 7, 2021 at 4:30 am

    Good job from a good ambassador, keep getting better.

    Reply
  9. Ibrahim says

    April 7, 2021 at 4:31 am

    A nice read.

    Reply
    • Esther Jimoh says

      April 10, 2021 at 5:08 am

      Wow, interesting read. Great imagination and writing skills. Wsy to go girl!
      Here we see the mercy and forgiving nature of God.

      Reply
    • Dickson Awani says

      April 14, 2021 at 2:06 am

      Very well written piece.

      Reply
  10. Victoria Maji says

    April 7, 2021 at 7:33 am

    Interesting! What happens next? Can’t wait to read. Well done Neku

    Reply
  11. Ola Bero says

    April 7, 2021 at 8:00 am

    Beautiful story,well done to you.

    Reply
  12. Grace Samuel says

    April 7, 2021 at 8:21 am

    Waiting expectantly for the next story. Great job Neku

    Reply
  13. John says

    April 7, 2021 at 8:53 am

    Beautiful read, insightful

    Reply
  14. Abdullahi Tsadu says

    April 7, 2021 at 9:04 am

    You have impressive writing skills Neku. With this attribute, i’m optimistic that you’d soon become an exceptional writer of international repute

    Reply
  15. Bilhatu Haruna Sani says

    April 7, 2021 at 11:23 am

    Wow what a merciful and compassionate God. I can’t wait for the next story.

    Reply
  16. Daniel Anthony says

    April 7, 2021 at 1:16 pm

    Kekoa received punishment that is worst than death. For he was converted to a werewolf, though he was a Prince.
    So interesting, I can’t wait for the next part.

    Reply
  17. George Odiong says

    April 7, 2021 at 11:38 pm

    A story teller in the house. Just awesome

    Reply
  18. Christiana Amuta says

    April 8, 2021 at 5:12 am

    Am proud of you girl. Waiting to see how it all ends.

    Reply
  19. Abimaje Moses says

    April 8, 2021 at 5:15 am

    Beautiful piece

    Reply
  20. Angela says

    April 8, 2021 at 5:17 am

    Weldone Neku. You definitely have good potentials at writing stories. The lessons were clear and you kept us eagerly anticipating the next move. I wish you God’s help as you explore this potential in you.

    Reply
  21. Josiah says

    April 8, 2021 at 5:25 am

    I love the suspense, it’s been long I read something like this i’m grateful I did waiting for the unanswered questions to be answered.

    Reply
  22. Oyindamola Taiwo says

    April 8, 2021 at 5:29 am

    I love this write up can’t wait to see it on the stand

    Reply
  23. Cyril Obiefuna says

    April 8, 2021 at 5:30 am

    Very interesting! There is consequence for every action… I can’t wait for the next part.

    Reply
  24. TeeMeeNorth says

    April 8, 2021 at 6:06 am

    Beautiful story I must say

    Reply
    • Karick Joseph says

      April 8, 2021 at 12:04 pm

      Interesting piece ❤️

      Reply
  25. Ocholi Aruwa says

    April 8, 2021 at 8:40 am

    Beautiful!

    Reply
  26. George A. Ugbong says

    April 8, 2021 at 3:32 pm

    A beautiful piece!

    Reply
  27. Alex O. says

    April 8, 2021 at 4:14 pm

    Great idea and a strong imagination displayed here!

    Reply
  28. Binta says

    April 8, 2021 at 5:15 pm

    Nice piece

    Reply
  29. Istifanus Kasa says

    April 8, 2021 at 5:59 pm

    Intriguing!!

    Reply
  30. Vese Katsarov says

    April 9, 2021 at 12:03 am

    Interesting story, You did well Neku, ,!!!
    Make sure that story can touch lot of people.
    Waiting for next.

    Reply
  31. Dookaan Bem says

    April 9, 2021 at 3:53 am

    Interesting piece.

    Reply
    • Medina Dauda says

      April 11, 2021 at 4:53 am

      Beautiful piece. Keep it up Neku Onoja

      Reply
  32. Frederick o Abah says

    April 9, 2021 at 3:56 am

    A great piece of work. I love the imagination Neku.

    Reply
  33. Udofa Anthony says

    April 9, 2021 at 4:05 am

    Keep up the good work

    Reply
  34. Simon says

    April 9, 2021 at 4:11 am

    Wow. Brilliantly amazing and interesting. Here you go girl. We will win. More breakthroughs.

    Reply
  35. Oyebanji Oluwatomi Adeoye says

    April 9, 2021 at 4:16 am

    The story is thoughtful and highly inspiring. Great master piece. Looking forward to the next edition. God bless you and make you more excellent.

    Reply
  36. Charity Jefia says

    April 9, 2021 at 4:40 am

    Wow!!! Can’t wait to read the next. Well done Neku

    Reply
    • Dwayne Olowu says

      April 15, 2021 at 1:34 pm

      Really good story. It’s a really interesting idea, can’t wait for more editions!!

      Reply
  37. Amina says

    April 9, 2021 at 5:11 am

    Beautiful. Nicely done. Looking forward to the next one

    Reply
  38. gracious says

    April 9, 2021 at 5:27 am

    Nice 1 neku
    Next pls…..

    Reply
  39. Victoria Paul Anyu says

    April 9, 2021 at 5:43 am

    This is beautiful . Weldon dear,

    Reply
  40. BULUS MUSA says

    April 9, 2021 at 6:30 am

    Nice and well written story. Keep it up

    Reply
  41. Ezeh Tochukwu y says

    April 9, 2021 at 6:33 am

    Nice one

    Reply
  42. Ojodale says

    April 9, 2021 at 8:29 am

    A great piece. Well done, Neku!

    Reply
    • Kolawole Temidayo says

      April 9, 2021 at 6:32 pm

      Interesting… Am definitely ready again and again

      Reply
  43. Gloria Israel says

    April 9, 2021 at 10:22 am

    Wow! Very intriguing.

    Thumbs up Neku!

    Reply
  44. Emmanuel Ogala says

    April 9, 2021 at 10:29 am

    Wow this is interesting.pls when is the next part coming can’t wait

    Reply
  45. Esther Kuyoro says

    April 9, 2021 at 10:53 am

    Great job girl! Greater heights in Jesus’ name

    Reply
  46. Collins says

    April 9, 2021 at 4:30 pm

    Very interesting , nice work

    Reply
  47. Richard says

    April 9, 2021 at 5:15 pm

    Wow this is so amazing, you have a great and creative mind, I love the way you started your story.

    Reply
  48. Oby says

    April 9, 2021 at 5:26 pm

    Well it’s good

    Reply
  49. Patrick Ugbeikwu says

    April 9, 2021 at 5:26 pm

    This is so good to read. Interesting.

    Reply
  50. Obije Mercy says

    April 9, 2021 at 5:28 pm

    Twas worth the read.
    Nice one Neku
    Well done

    Reply
  51. Oby says

    April 9, 2021 at 5:34 pm

    Nice one
    Learnt some things

    Reply
  52. Prince Nathaniel says

    April 9, 2021 at 5:53 pm

    Woww

    Reply
  53. Ebere says

    April 9, 2021 at 5:53 pm

    So interesting I can’t wait to read it all

    Reply
  54. Obed nwodafe says

    April 9, 2021 at 6:01 pm

    Fantastic. It’s a great one

    Reply
  55. Helen says

    April 9, 2021 at 6:18 pm

    Very detailed… Beautiful

    Reply
  56. Bimbo says

    April 9, 2021 at 6:19 pm

    Quite intriguing and suspense packed.

    Reply
  57. Queen says

    April 9, 2021 at 6:50 pm

    Interesting Story… Beautiful

    Reply
  58. ROSELINE J. Omilabu says

    April 9, 2021 at 8:50 pm

    Lovely piece of writing Uneku! Explaining the love of God to his creations is so beautiful . God bless you dear.

    Reply
  59. Udochukwu says

    April 9, 2021 at 10:44 pm

    This is so lovely

    Reply
  60. chogu says

    April 10, 2021 at 2:31 am

    Wow! Nice one

    Reply
  61. Gideon Harry says

    April 10, 2021 at 4:30 am

    My God this piece is divinely inspired, more of God’s inspiration sir,to keep writing to the glory of his name.

    Reply
  62. Delight says

    April 10, 2021 at 6:53 am

    Good very, work good

    Reply
  63. Funke Timothy says

    April 10, 2021 at 7:03 am

    Good job Neku! What an interesting story.

    Reply
  64. AGABA FIDELIS says

    April 10, 2021 at 8:30 am

    Nice one

    Reply
  65. Christo says

    April 10, 2021 at 8:47 am

    Wow this is nice

    Reply
  66. Naomi says

    April 10, 2021 at 10:10 am

    Job well done

    Reply
  67. Fred Aaron says

    April 10, 2021 at 10:28 am

    A nice piece

    Reply
  68. Noah Maji says

    April 10, 2021 at 12:01 pm

    Very intriguing!!!

    Reply
  69. Lois says

    April 10, 2021 at 2:55 pm

    I love your work
    Nice work

    Reply
  70. Sarah says

    April 10, 2021 at 3:39 pm

    Nice now neku, keep up the good work

    Reply
  71. Blessing says

    April 10, 2021 at 4:31 pm

    So lovely nice work

    Reply
  72. Kelvin says

    April 10, 2021 at 4:41 pm

    Perfect,so nice

    Reply
  73. Peter says

    April 10, 2021 at 4:42 pm

    Perfectly ok no mistake

    Reply
  74. Peace says

    April 10, 2021 at 4:45 pm

    We need people like in writing. You so good

    Reply
  75. Abu says

    April 10, 2021 at 4:47 pm

    More strength and knowledge dr

    Reply
  76. Henry says

    April 10, 2021 at 4:49 pm

    Keep up the good work

    Reply
  77. Barnaba says

    April 10, 2021 at 4:51 pm

    People need to read this and learn from it

    Reply
  78. Oche says

    April 10, 2021 at 4:52 pm

    I love it nice work

    Reply
  79. Sat says

    April 10, 2021 at 4:55 pm

    Ohh very good

    Reply
  80. Dag says

    April 10, 2021 at 4:57 pm

    Very good work dr neku my neku

    Reply
  81. Makop says

    April 10, 2021 at 5:00 pm

    Your hands are bless dr

    Reply
  82. Angel Onega says

    April 11, 2021 at 2:04 am

    All the best, always find strength in the lord

    Reply
  83. Emmanuel says

    April 11, 2021 at 2:54 pm

    Fantastic

    Reply
  84. Moshé says

    April 11, 2021 at 4:10 pm

    Next Chimamanda warming up. Kudos Neku

    Reply
  85. Theresa Moses says

    April 11, 2021 at 5:01 pm

    Beautiful write up. Success all the way

    Reply
  86. Sunday Isaiah says

    April 11, 2021 at 6:57 pm

    waooo I am proud of u hoping to see u come out with flying g colours

    Reply
  87. Caleb says

    April 12, 2021 at 3:18 am

    This is not a piece you get to read everyday, a rare piece. It’s an incandescent story. Bless up cousin

    Reply
    • David says

      April 12, 2021 at 4:49 am

      Woa, this is lit, an awesome piece anticipating for more. Kudos couz!!!

      Reply
  88. Osochi says

    April 12, 2021 at 4:44 am

    This is a very dynamic story
    I loved it

    Reply
  89. Esther says

    April 12, 2021 at 5:12 am

    Nice one

    Reply
  90. Shadipe Dolapo says

    April 12, 2021 at 6:04 am

    Amazing story Keku. Thumbs up

    Reply
  91. Anne Iyela says

    April 12, 2021 at 6:51 am

    Interesting… excited about kekoas next adventure

    Reply
  92. Henry says

    April 12, 2021 at 7:17 am

    Wow this is great

    Reply
  93. Okoye Ugochukwu says

    April 12, 2021 at 7:24 am

    Nice work

    Reply
  94. Solace says

    April 12, 2021 at 7:35 am

    Very interesting story

    Reply
  95. Adela says

    April 13, 2021 at 5:11 am

    Very interesting,nice work dr up neku

    Reply
  96. Mathias says

    April 13, 2021 at 5:43 am

    Neku neku GOd bless you dr nice work

    Reply
    • James says

      April 13, 2021 at 7:20 am

      Wow. Lovely.

      Reply
  97. Eteh says

    April 13, 2021 at 7:09 am

    The book is intriguing. Recommended for All.

    Reply
  98. Nehemiah says

    April 13, 2021 at 7:15 am

    This piece is lovely.

    Reply
  99. Victor says

    April 13, 2021 at 7:28 am

    Go get it Neku! Great piece.

    Reply
  100. Faith says

    April 13, 2021 at 9:27 am

    I love this piece

    Reply
  101. Supreme says

    April 13, 2021 at 10:02 am

    Nice piece.

    Reply
  102. Angela attah says

    April 13, 2021 at 11:46 am

    Nice story, can’t wait for the next

    Reply
  103. Ubong attah says

    April 13, 2021 at 11:47 am

    Awesome

    Reply
  104. Adeleke ADEDOTUN says

    April 13, 2021 at 3:52 pm

    woww the story is really nice

    Reply
  105. Patrick Praetorius says

    April 13, 2021 at 10:25 pm

    Neku, You are a good storyteller, which is a great gift to bring joy to people’s hearts.

    Reply
  106. Shadrack Steven says

    April 14, 2021 at 1:38 am

    Lovely story that will make you read till the last full stop.

    Reply
    • Oni Ibijoke says

      April 14, 2021 at 10:15 pm

      Interesting piece. Welldone Neku.

      Reply
  107. Olumide says

    April 14, 2021 at 1:39 am

    Great

    Reply
  108. David Okutu says

    April 14, 2021 at 1:39 am

    What a gift Neku, this is a master piece!! Love it!!

    Reply
  109. Malik says

    April 14, 2021 at 1:51 am

    Nice and insightful read. Kudos to the writer

    Reply
  110. Oluseyi Abejide says

    April 14, 2021 at 2:02 am

    Interesting Piece, that shows the mercy of God despite kokea actions

    Reply
  111. Igbalajobi Olanrewaju says

    April 14, 2021 at 2:08 am

    Been a long time I read but glad to have taken the time to go this. Nice work. Keep it up. God bless

    Reply
    • Sunny Ebegbare says

      April 14, 2021 at 2:41 am

      Great story

      Reply
  112. Julia Otieno says

    April 14, 2021 at 2:11 am

    Cannot wait!

    Reply
  113. Sarah Kalaks says

    April 14, 2021 at 2:13 am

    Awesome story

    Reply
  114. Abiose says

    April 14, 2021 at 2:37 am

    God’s mercies on display.
    Well done NEKU! Looking forward to what happens next.

    Reply
  115. Mustapha Chiroma says

    April 14, 2021 at 2:49 am

    Great, keep the good work …..

    Reply
  116. Alessandra says

    April 14, 2021 at 3:06 am

    Whoo! After reading this piece, I am speechless. It is beautiful. In an interesting way, you have shown Gods mercy. Beautiful. Thank you for reminding me of the mercy of God. Please keep up with the creativity.

    Reply
  117. Anuoluwapo says

    April 14, 2021 at 3:17 am

    Interesting piece. The irrevocable rhythm of God’s mercy

    Reply
  118. Stanley Igbinovia says

    April 14, 2021 at 3:28 am

    Awesome. Quite impressive

    Reply
  119. Sylvester says

    April 14, 2021 at 3:39 am

    This is good. Really good

    Reply
  120. Tiwatope says

    April 14, 2021 at 3:57 am

    Bravo!
    Blend of mind-mapping for renegade reader could be considered in fiction write-up.
    Well done child.

    Reply
  121. Ronke says

    April 14, 2021 at 3:59 am

    Great job

    Reply
  122. Mohammad says

    April 14, 2021 at 4:16 am

    Well done, great job

    Reply
  123. Ameh David says

    April 14, 2021 at 4:18 am

    Absolutely breathtaking. Thanks, Neil for those wonderful piece.

    Reply
  124. Emiola says

    April 14, 2021 at 4:51 am

    The book deserves the win, let’s not only read but vote, share with our families and friends…

    Reply
  125. Kazeem Oyewole says

    April 14, 2021 at 5:38 am

    Weldone. Great job. Lovely piece

    Reply
  126. Diana Agabi says

    April 14, 2021 at 6:02 am

    Great storyline…..a second chance for repentance….

    Reply
  127. Abdulrahman Abdu says

    April 14, 2021 at 6:14 am

    Indeed very interesting piece. Keep it up

    Reply
  128. Timothy Zakka says

    April 14, 2021 at 6:17 am

    What a suspense this is,

    Reply
  129. Marynn Obidike says

    April 14, 2021 at 6:32 am

    Awesome Piece of work. Keep it going

    Reply
  130. Ogaga O says

    April 14, 2021 at 8:15 am

    Waiting anxiously…..

    Reply
  131. Joe Msh says

    April 14, 2021 at 8:41 am

    Absolutely lovely piece!

    Well done and keep up the good work.

    Reply
  132. Pat Okolo says

    April 14, 2021 at 9:01 am

    Great price. Loved reading it

    Reply
  133. Enyo says

    April 14, 2021 at 11:19 am

    Nice piece.

    Reply
  134. Esther Agbon says

    April 14, 2021 at 2:20 pm

    great job. looking forward to the follow on story.

    Reply
  135. Benjamin .O. says

    April 14, 2021 at 3:36 pm

    Interesting read. Intrigued by what happens next.

    Reply
  136. Onoja Richard says

    April 14, 2021 at 5:22 pm

    Interesting, well done

    Reply
  137. Abraham Isah says

    April 15, 2021 at 4:25 am

    Intriguing!

    Reply
  138. Rebecca says

    April 15, 2021 at 7:44 am

    Such an interesting story keep it up ma

    Reply
  139. anthony chukwu says

    April 15, 2021 at 9:10 am

    God is sovereign and full of mercy

    Reply
  140. Dario says

    April 15, 2021 at 1:40 pm

    It’s an intriguing piece of writing.

    Reply
  141. Lilian Olowu says

    April 15, 2021 at 1:43 pm

    Wow! This is a very interesting. Keep up the good work.

    Reply
  142. Jane says

    April 15, 2021 at 2:18 pm

    Interesting

    Reply
  143. Auslla says

    April 15, 2021 at 2:32 pm

    Quite an interesting piece. Can’t wait to know what next.

    Reply
  144. Lawrencia agur says

    April 15, 2021 at 3:43 pm

    Quite captivating write up. Keep it up

    Reply
  145. Nathaniel Maji says

    April 15, 2021 at 3:51 pm

    Beautiful write up by Neku Onoja

    Reply
  146. Shadrack says

    April 16, 2021 at 3:18 am

    Good read

    Reply
  147. Trisha Fom says

    April 16, 2021 at 3:31 am

    Great story, great lesson to learn

    Reply
  148. Deborah Kutariju-Bassey says

    April 16, 2021 at 5:10 am

    Beautiful write up!

    Reply
  149. Bright says

    April 16, 2021 at 5:28 am

    Magnificent

    Reply
  150. garba says

    April 16, 2021 at 6:32 am

    Nice one with high potential s

    Reply
  151. Monica umoh says

    April 16, 2021 at 7:56 am

    Nice piece Neku beautiful story lines.

    Reply
  152. S.money1 says

    April 16, 2021 at 3:16 pm

    Wow this is really interesting, go on dear

    Reply
  153. Gift joel says

    April 16, 2021 at 3:49 pm

    Nice

    Reply
  154. Zack's says

    April 17, 2021 at 9:27 am

    Great story… The punishment upon Kekoa, a review to that of Cain in the Bible…
    As an Oliver twist; can’t wait for the full gist as to what happened to Kekoa…
    #For_His_Mercies_Endures_Forever!!!

    Reply
  155. Isah Friday Kelvin says

    April 17, 2021 at 1:15 pm

    Beautiful piece. That’s why he’s forever God. His ways differ from that of men.

    Reply
  156. Doris Gin says

    April 17, 2021 at 1:43 pm

    A nice piece

    Reply
  157. Rachael says

    April 17, 2021 at 3:33 pm

    Highly educating, kudos to the writer

    Reply
  158. Daniel says

    April 18, 2021 at 6:05 am

    A really great piece!!

    Reply
  159. Christy says

    April 18, 2021 at 6:42 am

    Nice piece here!!!

    Reply
  160. Benedict Sodangi says

    April 18, 2021 at 9:58 am

    Great job Neku!

    Reply
  161. Daniel Shaibu says

    April 18, 2021 at 10:10 am

    The foolishness of Kekoa!!! I love the suspense!

    Reply
  162. Daboer says

    April 18, 2021 at 11:38 am

    Every sentence is supence

    Reply
  163. Simeon says

    April 18, 2021 at 11:40 am

    desirous to the point of greed “avid” nice work

    Reply
  164. Ona says

    April 18, 2021 at 11:42 am

    AGOG :full of intense interest or excitement GOD is great neku

    Reply
  165. Praise says

    April 18, 2021 at 11:50 am

    Can’t wait for next one nice work neku

    Reply
  166. Zac says

    April 18, 2021 at 11:52 am

    I really it among all yours is the best nice work neku

    Reply
  167. Obed says

    April 18, 2021 at 11:53 am

    You are great dr, love Ur work

    Reply
  168. Salva says

    April 18, 2021 at 11:54 am

    It so inspiring dr, GOD is great and merciful

    Reply
  169. Peter says

    April 18, 2021 at 11:56 am

    Wow wow when are dropping the next one

    Reply
  170. Patience says

    April 18, 2021 at 11:57 am

    Good work

    Reply
  171. Islam says

    April 19, 2021 at 9:51 am

    Good luck

    Reply
  172. Ela Aboje says

    April 20, 2021 at 6:43 am

    Great read!!!!

    Reply
  173. S says

    May 13, 2021 at 5:44 pm

    You have quite the fan base! Very awesome. It’s a good premise. Your imagination is promising, but your writing style needs work. It shifts from past/present tense, the structure is not clever, and it doesn’t encapsulate the escape into a story. And I have to point out the grammar. I hope that this is constructive for your future endeavors into your writing, and congratulations on your win with the readers.

    Reply
  174. Stephanie Newbern says

    May 13, 2021 at 9:47 pm

    What an imaginative story that fits the theme, and then some. Well done, Neku!

    Reply
  175. Lilian Gardner says

    May 17, 2021 at 4:51 am

    I love the simple language used to tell the story. I like the pacing and descriptions. I was caught up until the end, and of course, curious to know more about Kekoa.

    Reply
    • Mary says

      May 17, 2021 at 10:18 am

      Good always wins at the end. The write up is clearly the exciting work of someone who isn’t yet a professional but has a great flair for writing. Hopefully, this win opens door(s) for her to get the help required to help her get to the professional level in writing. Thank you Spring Break for the exposure. I hope to get to read how the story ends. Great job and congratulations again Neku.

      Reply
    • Lois says

      May 17, 2021 at 2:32 pm

      Congratulations on your win neku. You deserve it and even more

      Reply
  176. Benedict Sodangi says

    May 17, 2021 at 10:41 am

    The passion and emotions in the story, made the imperfections in the grammar so insignificant. She earned the win and such a writer will go places in future, given the opportunity and right guidance. Congratulations Neku.

    Reply
  177. Peter says

    May 17, 2021 at 2:39 pm

    Ahh Ahh am so happy for you dear,neku more win to you

    Reply
  178. Oyishoma Stephen says

    May 17, 2021 at 2:54 pm

    I voted for this story and prayed earnestly for it to win and boy am I glad that it won. Kudos Neku.

    Reply
  179. Collins says

    May 17, 2021 at 2:56 pm

    No one was able to come close to the notes you belted out for the audience and the judges. Once you touched that pen, it was clear who the winner was going to be and that is you

    You earned it!

    Congrats neku

    Reply
  180. Victoria Ifanse says

    May 17, 2021 at 2:57 pm

    I’m proud of Neku, who despite her imperfections in writing still took the bold step in contesting. I know you will do better than most bestselling authors today, given the opportunity. Congratulations!

    Reply
  181. Emmanuel Ifanse says

    May 17, 2021 at 3:03 pm

    A Nigerian!!!! Wow! This could be another Chimamanda coming up. This is one of the times I am proud to say “I am a Nigerian “. Looking forward to reading more from you, Neku.

    Reply
  182. Delight says

    May 17, 2021 at 3:07 pm

    Congratulations on winning the writing contest. Your unique talent is sure to find you fame and fortune in the future. Never stop writing dr!
    Neku!! Neku!! Neku!! Well done dr

    Reply
  183. Yusuf says

    May 17, 2021 at 3:16 pm

    “Feeling so much joy for you neku. What an impressive achievement!”

    I jst check my email and I was so happy you won dr
    My neku

    Reply
  184. Obaje says

    May 17, 2021 at 3:31 pm

    Comments like: I was over the moon when I got the mail that Neku won, I have to jump down to congratulate her.
    She earned it

    Congratulations neku

    Reply
  185. Daniel Anthony says

    May 18, 2021 at 4:32 am

    Congratulations Neku for this milestone achievement in the writing competition. I am anxiously waiting to read the complete book of this story from our soon to be Noble Laureate.

    Reply
  186. Christiana says

    May 23, 2021 at 4:20 pm

    Am so so happy for you Neke. Quiet an impressive one there.

    Reply
  187. James Kee says

    June 4, 2021 at 7:45 am

    Loved the story and am impressed by your talent. Keep it up!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Top Stories

Hanging Out

...

Read More »

The Parent-Child Relationship Index

...

Read More »

Viral

...

Read More »

The Dinner Party

...

Read More »

Foreign Flight

...

Read More »

Resources for Writers

The Write Practice | The Write Shop
Let’s Write a Short Story | Character Test Podcast | Point of View Guide | Best Software for Writers | How to Publish a Short Story

Best of Short Fiction Break

Suspense Short Stories | Magical Realism Short Stories | More Coming Soon

Story Ideas

Short Story Ideas | Mystery Story Ideas | Romance Story Ideas | Thriller Story Ideas | Fantasy Story Ideas | Sci-fi Story Ideas

CONTACT || PUBLICATION RIGHTS || Copyright © 2023