I can feel my body rot from the inside out. My limbs are too heavy to lift, so they lie next to my body, limp. It feels like I could stay here forever. I flinch at that thought. I sit up straight, my back hunched over. I can’t let go just yet. I drag myself out of bed before I can change my mind.
“Today is going to be a great day,” I tell the girl in the mirror. She looks skeptical. I grab my bag before leaving the house. I turn the corner and pull up my hood so my hair doesn’t get wet from the droplets falling. I hate feeling drenched.
Suddenly, a car speeds down the street and hits a puddle along the way. I gasp as the water hugs me in a cold embrace. It takes everything in me not to cry, which is stupid because it’s just water. I walk stiffly to the nearby bus stop and study the bus maps.
I hear someone blow a puff of air next to me. I turn my head discreetly to see who’s smoking. Surprisingly, it’s a boy my age. He has floppy blonde hair and is dressed in all black. Something about him makes me want to stare. He twirls the cigarette between his fingers. His eyes move to meet mine, and he gives me a questioning look. Embarrassed, I look away quickly. My face feels hot and sweaty, but then it hits me as he starts to walk away.
“Wait!” I call out to him, “Charlie? Is that you?” He pauses and slowly turns around.
“Who’s asking?” he says coldly. I flinch.
“It’s me, Natalia,” I say slowly. Does he not recognize me? He raises his eyebrows.
“Talia?” he says, looking me up and down, “you look different.” I smile a little. He called me by my nickname. He was the only one who called me that.
“Says you,” I scoff, “since when do you smoke?” His face darkens again.
“Well, it’s good to see you again, but I have to go now.” He throws the damp cigarette in a nearby trash bin and starts walking away again.
“Charlie!” I say frantically following him, “You can’t just appear out of nowhere again and just walk away! What even-” My shoelace gets stuck underneath my shoe, and my body flings forward. I shut my eyes, bracing for impact. Suddenly, a firm hand grabs my arm and steadies me. I open my eyes, just to see Charlie’s wide hazel eyes staring back at me.
“You’re still clumsy as hell,” he says, roughly letting go of me. “I won’t always be there to catch you.”
“Well, why can’t you?” I ask furiously, “I thought my best friend left me five years ago, but you’re standing right here. Now you don’t want to give me an explanation?” He gives a deadpan look, which hurts more than anything.
“I had to move, and now I’m back,” he mutters. “It didn’t cross my mind to tell you. Besides, we were twelve. How close were we really?” For a moment, I couldn’t respond. My brain was too busy replaying our whole childhood, from the beginning to the terrible end. I force myself to speak.
“T-that’s bull and you know it!” I say, pushing him away slightly, “You aren’t my Charlie. You’re like a stranger. How could you do this to me?” His eyes don’t move, as if my words don’t affect him.
“You just don’t get it.” He says sternly, “I am a stranger. We’re strangers. I don’t know you.” I stand there, stunned. I can’t believe Charlie is saying these things right now. The same Charlie who carried me home after I sprained my ankle. The same Charlie who fought my bullies and landed in detention for it. I clench my jaw. There is no way I’m letting him disappear again.
“Fine. We’re strangers if that’s what you want.” I shrug, “But I’m a stranger who thinks you’re cute and wants your number. Charlie’s eyes widen, and his face flushes a little. I smirk. That caught him off guard.
“What-”
“But I really want to get to know you first,” I interrupt him while grabbing his hand,” Like, what brings you back to town? How’s your family?” His eyes widen more, and his hand travels from the grasp of my palm to clasp my wrist.
“Thanks for the compliment, but I’m not interested in crazy girls that harass me at a bus stop.” He lets go and pauses before leaving again, “No more buses are coming. Call an Uber or something.” I bite my lip to stop tears from falling.
“Just tell me! Tell me what happened,” I cry. “I’ll leave you alone after if that’s what you want, but you-” I falter.
“Why does everyone leave me?” I mutter bitterly. Charlie freezes and turns around.
“What?”
“My boyfriend dumped me three days ago over text.” I wipe uselessly at my tears. “Now my best friend comes back just to tell me I’m no one to him.” Charlie looks at me, his expression unreadable.
“You had a boyfriend?” He asks, “And he did that to you?”
“That’s your takeaway,” I say, dumbfounded, my fingernails sinking into my skin. He sighs in annoyance.
“Talia, no-”
“Just tell me what happened!” I snap. He stomps back and glares.
“Since you’re nosy, I guess I’ll tell you. My sister’s dead. You happy?” My body freezes. I crouch down, processing what he said.
“Claire? S-she’s dead?” I start sobbing nonstop, and I can’t stop. I can’t speak. For a moment, I see Charlie’s eyes flicker with fear. Like he’s hearing this for the first time. He crouches to my level.
“She killed herself.” I look at him, trying to understand the words he said. My head won’t stop spinning.
“Oh my god, oh my god,” I say, crying again, “I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. How did I not know? Oh my god.” We sit together in an uncomfortable silence. He doesn’t leave, though; he just stays still, crouching with me. I sniffle.
“S-since when?” I croak, breaking the silence.
“Four years. We moved because of our parents’ divorce, and home wasn’t really home. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.” He looks at me a little longer before continuing, “Claire was having a rough time at school, and no one was there for her. No one.” His jaw tightens. I feel like I should say something, but I can’t. Suddenly, Charlie laughs hollowly. I flinch.
“I tell myself that I noticed.”
“What?” He lifts his head to stare at the sky.
“That something was wrong.” He looks back at me, “She’s my sister.” His lip starts to quiver.
“I lived in the same house as her. I ate dinner with her. I saw her every day.” Charlie pauses, “And I still didn’t know.” I swallow hard.
“Charlie-”
“No.” He says, “Don’t tell me it’s not my fault. Because if it wasn’t, why didn’t I do something? Anything? I’m her brother. I should’ve known.” The silence crept back in again, and it was too heavy to hold. Still, I couldn’t speak, so I cupped his face in my hands. I expect him to pull away, but he just keeps his hands over mine. I take a deep breath.
“Charlie, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have forced you-” Charlie quickly covers my mouth with his hand before I can finish.
“No,” He says, pulling away suddenly. “I’m the jerk.” I tilt my head, tears still streaming. My heart races as his fingers trail off my face.
“I just told you,” he pauses, “I shouldn’t have told you like that.” He groans, and I quickly wipe my tears. I open my mouth to say something, but he cuts me off.
“I’m sorry. I really am the worst. I should have told you everything from the start, actually, not like this, like an immature kid. I just seem to always hurt people. You deserve better. This should’ve never happened to you,” he sighs again. “God, are you okay?” He gets up and pulls me up, too.
“I-I’m fine.” I lie, “No, no I’m not. But it’s okay not to be fine.” He smiles slightly.
“I don’t want you to leave again. If you’ve changed, fine. I don’t care. I’m not incapable of letting new people into my life. So please, don’t leave again, dammit!” He inhales deeply. I tap my fingers, nervously waiting for what he’ll say. We both stare at each other, and I feel embarrassed that I don’t feel embarrassed. I missed him looking at me like this.
“Fine. I won’t go. I don’t want to anyway.” He pauses, “Stranger.” I sigh in relief and smile at him. Losing the old Charlie had been devastating. But right now, I want the Charlie in front of me. And if that makes us strangers, then I’d just have to get to know him again.