This story is by Deborah Payne and was part of our 2021 Spring Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.
We were in-love, so I thought, until one day when I seen the devil in his eyes. His eyes were black with anger. There was no compassion, no empathy, he was no longer the man that I married.
There were red flags through out our marriage that led to this day. It took years for his heart to become numb to any passion of love.
The emotional torture had succumbed me to hiding when he was angry, crying out that I was sorry and at times feeling as though I was loosing my mind. His words were cruel. He took everything he knew about me, all my hurts, all my pain, twisting my insides out reminding me how horrific life could be. I was alone with a man who thought he was the master of our home. Our home became his not ours.
After the devil entered his thoughts and took his soul his narcissitic behavior turned psychotic as if hurting me was the only way he could survive.
I could hear his footsteps against the floor, his foot steps became louder as he got closer. I prayed that he was not angry. He walked with his shoulder hunched over and the look on his face was full of hate, I said in a calm voice; you need to look in the mirror, you are the devil. He never did look in the mirror. He turned and walked away. I showed him that I knew what he had become .
I knew it wouldn’t take long for him to discard me but in what way. I needed to protect myself. I became terrified, not knowing my fate. Fear turned into anxiety. I couldn’t breathe and I needed help. My breathing became shallow and I was becoming weak. I was having an asthma attack. Barely able to talk, I managed to call out for help. I needed my inhaler so I slowly began to walk up the stairs. I began to wheeze louder and louder. I was struggeling to catch my breathe. When I reached the top step, I fell to the floor. I could hear gurgling, and I knew if I didn’t get to my inhaler, I would pass out. I pulled myself up and pushed my way to the bedroom where my husband was laying on our bed, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. I opened my drawer fumbling for my emergency inhaler. When I finaly was able to catch my breath, I turned looking at this shell of a man with no soul, no heart and said Did you hear me? Why didn’t you help me? I couldn’t breathe! Not even looking at me he said in a cold, non caring voice; You are all right now , aren’t you? I thought to myself that he was listening to me struggling to breathe. He wanted me to die. He must of been so disappointed. He was no longer the man that I once knew. I feared for my life. I needed to find a way to flee.
When he drank the devils brew he would become delusional with anger. I was physically and mentally feeling the pain that he brought upon me.
I had become depressed, feeling trapped and lonely. I would rather die then to stay with him and I didn’t hold back from letting him know how I felt. I could never do anything right. To him I was a failure. Being his victim was exhausting and heart wrenching. I thought when will this end. Will he take my life or will I take my own life? Or could he be driving me to suicide?
Secretly I had reached out for the help that I desperately needed. I needed to take back my life. This devil will not keep me as his wife.
As I walked away I thought my husbands fate was worse than death and I pitied him for his weakness.
I was free but I had this jawing feeling that every where I would go he was there. In the store he was watching me. From across a crowded room I could see the reflection of his dark eyes. He was in my dreams every night. I would wake screaming for help. My dreams were now nightmares. The devil had found me. He will not let me go. My nightmares had now turned to death. I could see myself in a coffin. The room was dark and cold as I layed in the coffin I could see him kneeling beside me, I reached out and took his hand in mine telling him that I forgive him. when I woke, I was shaking in fear. Another nightmare!
I had was once lived my life as if I was in a nightmare and now every nite I re-live my tormented life in my dreams.
Daytime came and I felt the warm sun coming through my window onto my face. I felt this peace inside of me, knowing that I was going to be OK, I smiled as I stretched my arms towards the sun . I have finally found peace and serenity.
My husband had taken my life and I had forgiven him.