The gold bands clinked against Diana’s glass as she raised the drink to her lips. Jen had just walked off to refill her drink and Matt’s laugh rose from across the room above the lively chatter of the party. Diana’s gaze flitted towards her husband, his laugh sounded too loud, too pressing. She took a deep breath to center herself and smoothed the silk of her dress.
The beginning of the night kept replaying itself in her head despite her best efforts to distract herself. Diana had been excited to finally dress up and make herself feel pretty. She chose a pink dress she knew she looked good in and spent an extra few minutes on her hair and makeup. Despite her best efforts, Matt only gave her a quick up-and-down followed by a, “you look nice,” in her general direction as he checked himself out in the mirror. He then rushed them to the car, worried they’d be late. He drove quickly with his hand high on her thigh, wordlessly letting her know what he was expecting from her when they got home. Dread filled her. She didn’t want to go to the party anymore.
It wasn’t long after they arrived that Matt left her to entertain his friends, but she knew she wasn’t really on her own; his glare was constantly on her. Thank God Jen was here tonight. At least she didn’t have to feign interest in a stranger’s life again and could spend some time with her friend. She was relieved to relegate herself to the shadows of the party, biding her time in the quiet with people she knew, but she understood it was only a temporary reprieve. Diana’s stomach clinched at the thought and she gulped down her drink, desperate to make the feeling disappear.
Trying to settle her stomach, she nibbled on a canapé and thought back to how different things had been before. Something had changed ten years ago as they stood in church and he slid the ring on her finger. The day they promised to love, honor, and care for each other as they cared for themselves. That night was the first time he left her alone in a room full of people.
It wasn’t that Diana hadn’t tried to talk about what had changed. She had. But there always seemed to be a rationalization for how she misunderstood him. Her hobbies in the evenings had always made him feel lonely, she needed to cut back on them and spend more time with him. He didn’t say he was looking forward to being a dad and having kids, he said he might want kids if the circumstances were right. He never said he wanted to live in the city, he actually preferred the country. In fact, she actually forced him to move somewhere he didn’t like. It was as if everything she thought she knew about him was somehow wrong. Whenever she tried to figure out what had changed or how she had misunderstood him so badly, he moaned that he could never do anything right. Every effort to discover the truth was stonewalled by him insisting that he was trying to be everything she wanted him to be. She finally realized that the problem wasn’t that he wasn’t trying hard enough, it was that she couldn’t figure out where the story of him ended and the reality of him began.
She glanced around the room again, spotting Matt striding towards her.
“What are you doing alone over here? I know you hate crowds, but you don’t have to stand by yourself all night.”
“I know, Jen just left to go get another drink. I haven’t been alone.”
“You and Jen,” he chuckled. “What were you talking about this time?”
His hand caressed the silk covering her lower back. She stiffened.
“Nothing really,” Diane said as lightly as she could. “I just finished telling her about how awful that book I read was.”
He smirked.
“You mean the one with the dragons? I don’t know why you even read that, I knew you wouldn’t like it. Books like that are so trashy. C’mon, I want you to come tell Kyle and John about the trip I just took you on.”
The trip he liked to brag that he took her on. The trip that she had to pay for on her own. The trip she had planned by herself. It was her dream vacation to France that somehow turned into a cycling trip for him. Diana rolled her rings, struggling to right her emotions, knowing that anything but glowing praise for their vacation would ruin the weekend with an extended pity party about how bad he felt that she didn’t get to go to Versailles. The day they planned to go, he accidentally spent too long on a run and made them miss their train. When she tried to rebook the tickets for later in the day, he insisted they go on a cycling tour around the city instead. There was no arguing with him when he insisted. Realizing they were almost to his friends, she took a deep breath and pasted on a smile, ready to rave about how amazing the Louvre had been and then hear Matt make his friends laugh at her about the amount of coffee and croissants he said she ate.
A few hours later, as they walked to the car, Matt stood as close as possible, seeming disappointed that she was holding her clutch in the hand next to him. Diana opened the passenger door and slid in, preparing for the idle chit-chat as they drove. His hand was back on her thigh, even higher this time. She tried to shift away, but he wouldn’t let her.
“Did you have fun tonight?” he asked.
“Yah, it was nice seeing Jen. And the cake was good.”
“I can’t believe they didn’t have anything gluten-free for dessert. You would think they would, it’s 2026! It’s really disappointing I didn’t get to eat dessert.”
“We could always stop somewhere on our way home. I bet Kroger is still open.”
“No, I shouldn’t have to go buy my own dessert. They should have had one for me, right?”
Diana hummed noncommittally. If she agreed, she would have had to listen to another tirade about how hard it was for him to be gluten-free. If she insisted they go buy him a dessert anyway, she still would have had to hear how unfair it was to him and be accused of making them go over their grocery budget for the week. She’d learned by now that silence was her friend. Thank goodness for the radio, his music and the noise of the road broke any potential tension in the car. She looked out the window and realized they were nearly home. She took a deep breath as they pulled into their driveway.
The tone shifted as they stepped inside the house, but Diana tried to ignore it. She walked quickly back to the bedroom, hoping to get in the shower and wash off the evening before he could catch up to her. As she stood, slipping the shoes off her feet, Matt came up behind her. She wasn’t fast enough. His hands slithered around her waist.
“This dress looks good on you,” he mumbled into her hair.
“Thanks,” she replied, trying to wiggle out of his grasp.
“You’re just so pretty.”
And that’s when she knew she hadn’t escaped. Her eyes glazed over as he began pulling down her dress. Her stomach rolled as she resisted the urge to push him away, knowing by now that compliance was faster than fighting. A scream caught in her throat as she tried to speak.
“I-I don’t really.”
“Just lay back.”
Suddenly, he was inside her. Just breath, Diana thought to herself. Get through it. Maybe if I move my hips more, it’ll help. Is that spot on the ceiling new? I think it is. What’s taking him so long?
“Does it hurt?” he asked.
“Just get it over with,” Diana gasped. Matt looked hurt, as if he didn’t understand why she’d say that. He didn’t stop though. He never stopped.
After Matt fell asleep, she stood in the bathroom and stared at herself, not recognizing the woman in the mirror. What had happened to her? How had she become this? In her heart, Diana knew. Shaking herself out of her reverie, she began pulling down her hair, her rings tangling in her curls. She glared at the offending jewelry. They had not left her finger over the last decade and were constantly getting in the way. The center diamond was set higher than she said she wanted, the side stones were too fussy, and they constantly got caught in everything. Pausing for only a moment, Diana removed the rings, set them on the counter, and stepped into the shower feeling lighter than she had in years.