The following piece is by Oliva Nuhn. If you enjoy the piece, you can find more of her writing at her blog: Pillar O’ Blank
Passionate, eager, and hopeful about all food, although can’t and won’t cook for shit.
Overcomes obstacles with a stomach of steel: case in point, an entire knotted bag of lethal cashews left overnight in the middle of the table. (2015)
Finally triumphant over the stairs and on her way to fully coping with the dryer.
Loves going for long walks, prefers carpet over hardwood, and can recognize the difference between praise and criticism based on tone.
Licking out of nervousness or without purpose at all.
Experienced in acquiring a morsel of blanket from the sofa at family movie time.
Passionate about recycling in the form of shit eating.
Will fetch anything excitably under the command “gimmie that.”
Gentle security: will warn with quiet barking about the slightest unfamiliar sound.
Proficient in “spin” and “speak” although will perform both upon one of the commands.
Educated in the classic “paw” in new found creative sense- responds well to “pound it.”
Uses rancid breath and anxiety to gain self-assessing alone time.
Polite with strangers, even when they mistake the growth on her head for a glutinous tick.
Guilty pleasures include falling asleep to the sound of whispered gibberish in her ear, wheelbarrowing ass across the carpet and watching Bravo television.