This story is by Karen Crawford and won an Honorable Mention in our 2017 Winter Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.
Karen Crawford went from the frenetic streets of New York City to the sprawling suburbs of Los Angeles. She makes a living designing movie posters with her husband, and writes to exorcise those pesky demons around her and within her. You can follow her creative inspiration on Instagram (@kclosangeles) and Twitter (@kcrawford_).
It started as a whisper and built to a scream.
Ten o’clock. There’s still time.
Ten o’clock. There’s still time.
Ten o’clock. There’s still time!
Dani’s bloodshot eyes opened wide as she came out of her stupor. Turning her head, she glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. She blinked hard until the time came into focus. Its big red numbers flashed:
10:00 pm.
She had one hour to stop him!
She shot out of bed, tore off her hospital gown and pulled on her clothes. Streaking past the orderly in the corridor, she made it into the elevator just as the door was closing. She rushed out of the hospital and into the sticky night air. Only then did she look around and realize she had absolutely no idea where she was.
Dani checked her pockets and found a set of keys to her apartment, two $20 bills and her cell phone. She turned it on to check the time and her location:
10:10pm
26th and First
She flagged down a taxi and hopped in. “How fast can you get me across the 59th street bridge?”
“Shouldn’t be too much traffic this time of night,” the cabbie replied as he stepped on the gas.
Wiping her hand across her brow, Dani stared out the window as she watched the hospital fade from view. Filled with shame and regret, she sank into the weathered seat as the cab sped onto the bridge. Flashbacks of wasted words and moments of weakness battered her brain. The notion of a second chance was sending her adrenaline into overdrive.
A second chance …
With Johnny, her tall, handsome, smart, charming, dark, brooding guy. Her heart heaved heavily as she thought how life for him had not been easy. He’d done some time in juvie for selling pot after his mother succumbed to a drug overdose. Her death had all but closed the door on finding out who his father was. He spent a year sleeping on friends’ couches until he got clean, turned his life around, and scored a job.
That’s where she met him. It was a summer internship, and he was showing her the ropes. Something about him was cold and intense, but when he smiled it melted her world. Sparks flew — a visceral connection, unlike anything she’d ever felt before. He proposed a year later, and they moved in together. Then, evidence of trust issues quickly surfaced. The more she tried to prove her love, the more he questioned it. Johnny was pushing her away, and it was tearing her apart.
Dani looked anxiously out over the bridge towards Queens, her heart throbbing as she thought out loud, I have to stop him.
“Did you say something, miss?”
“I’m just in a hurry,” she said anxiously, as she looked at the message that popped up on her phone.
It was a single word text from Johnny that read:
GOODBYE.
The cabbie stepped hard on the brakes as they reached the end of the bridge. Traffic had slowed to a crawl.
“Accident up ahead,” he said as he looked at her through the rearview mirror.
Visibly shaken, her eyes blinked rapidly, pooling with tears, as she stared down at the sobering word.
Bad judgment had turned her into a cliché. Leaning on Johnny’s best friend for advice had been the wrong welcoming shoulder to cry on. Falling into his arms had been the biggest mistake of her life.
“Are you okay, miss?”
“I just really have to be someplace,” her voice cracked. “Before 11.”
“I’m sorry, miss. It doesn’t look like we’ll be moving anytime soon.”
Composing herself, she pulled the bills out of her pocket and tapped her phone to check the time and her whereabouts.
10:35pm
Long Island City
“I think I’ll get out here,” she said as she handed him the money. “It’s just ten blocks. It will be faster if I run.”
“Good luck, miss.”
Luck …
Something about the way he said it made her turn around and say, “If only luck had something to do with it.”
Her heart pounding, Dani ran as if a life depended on it. Mentally repeating her mantra:
I have to stop him.
Out of breath, she opened the door, once again checking her phone for the time.
10:45pm
Donovan’s Pub
“You’re back,” the bartender said with some surprise. “You just missed him. I tried to calm him down, but he was totally wasted. When did he start drinking again? I thought he was doing so well. He was rambling, said that deep down, he always knew he couldn’t trust you.” The bartender’s voice trailed off as she raced out of the bar. “What did you do, Dani!? Did you cheat on my cousin?”
Just another three blocks to the apartment. Please God, I have to stop him.
Fumbling with her keys, she opened the lobby door, only to see that the elevator wasn’t working. She inhaled deeply, bolstering whatever energy she had left and sprinted up the nine flights of stairs. She checked the time once more as she reached the top.
10:55pm
Their Apartment
“Johnny,” she said, panting as she rushed inside. “Johnny, are you here?”
The smell of alcohol and marijuana assaulted her. She could hear the song Get Lucky by Daft Punk blasting in the background. Panicking, she darted down the hallway towards the bedroom and came to an abrupt halt. There, she saw him sitting motionless on the bed, something shiny in his hand. The realization of what it was sucked the air out of her lungs. Feeling faint, she felt the last bit of hope slowly seeping away.
Hope …
It was all she had left.
“Where’d you get that?”
Dread washed over her as he sat unresponsively with a faraway look in his eyes. “Johnny,” she pleaded as she twisted the small diamond on her ring finger, “It’s always been you. You are my heart, the love of my life. Your mood swings, they scared me. You were shutting me out. I didn’t know where to turn. I’m so sorry. Please, baby, can we talk about it in the morning?”
His eyes met hers as he lifted the gun to his temple. His pupils were dilated, dark and empty. It was a look she’d never seen before, and it froze her.
“Stop” she whispered, rigid with fear.
The words slid off his tongue slow and slurry, as he put his finger on the trigger.
“Wanna … Get … Lucky …?”
“Stop!” she screamed as the gun went off.
And then her world went black.
“Her boyfriend killed himself in front of her,” the orderly said to the night nurse who was just starting her shift. “She arrived here this morning in a catatonic state. She appears to come out of it, only to slip back in.”
“How so?” the nurse asked as she stood in the corridor glancing at Dani’s chart.
Motioning towards the room, the orderly said, “See for yourself. She’s doing it again; it’s the third time today.”
The nurse walked in as Dani began twitching and started to whisper,
Ten o’clock. There’s still time.
Ten o’clock. There’s still time.
Ten o’clock. There’s still time!
Dani’s eyes flew open, screaming as she came out of her stupor. Turning her head, she glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand by the hospital bed.
10:00 pm
Bellevue Psychiatric Ward
I have to stop him …
A provocative look at the concept of regret. Everyone has it and everyone wishes they could go back and change their actions. Also, the concept that the people you know well are capable of doing things that you could never conceive.
I found the end to be haunting. The fact that she was stuck in a groundhog‘s day scenario that she seemed to have no way out of. She couldn’t go back and couldn’t go forward.
Definitely, a disturbing concept.
The regrets we have, the guilt we carry, the extremes our minds can carry us to. Yes, very well done!
This has a great haunting feeling to it, I hoped she got there in time, but alas, too late.
There’s a feeling of truth in this well written story. This is more than a story about regret; it’s about guilt and the lengths to which we can go to shake it.
The ending is intriguing and refreshingly unexpected. Sadness and hope are blended into one,
I was drawn in by the author’s comfortable, easy style: each revelation filling in the missing pieces until, at the last, there is the final revelation and we know what is going on. The piece and its knack for conjuring images in graphic fashion is, to me, reminiscent of old radio dramas, which I would listen to kneeling by a large, console radio and which I still consider today the best movies I’ve ever seen. Such is the power of this piece that I felt as if I were looking in on the characters and the setting as the story unwinds.
Very moving , I felt the need & love of wanting to help someone.
The anguish of not getting there in time
Loved the piece .
I was drawn in from the first line. The author has a very compelling voice, and I did not see the end coming! A fast-paced, twisty, and edge-of-your-seat read.
Thank you all so much for reading my story. I am truly humbled by all the lovely comments!
Love the format and your writing style! Really draws the reader in… Haunting indeed! Congratulations!
Thanks so much Emily!
What we all go trough for every regret. There’s still time, we always want to say that or we always wish we have time.
Is what we all go through when we have done something we regret. We always wish we have time, but wishing sometimes is a waste of time. What a beautiful story!!!!
Thank you so much for reading Roy! So glad you liked it!
that feeling that takes over and consumes: of not being able to change the past, of wanting to go back in time and fix things but you can’t, the guilt. this story was gripping and the end was unexpected and yet in a strange way, relatable as i found myself wanting to help her…. (i didn’t realize i was holding my breath). an absolutely wonderful read and i look forward to reading more short stories from this author.
Wow! Thanks so much Patricia!! xo
What an incredibly compelling story. Oh, the places our minds take us to. The torment. The regrets, The pure pain of our suffering. It’s all captured so hauntingly well in this story. My suggestion to this writer… write more. You will have an ever-growing audience. So thrilled I had the chance to read this… Thank you!
Max, that means so much coming from you! Thank you for the inspiration! xo
Tense, provocative thriller with a haunting ending. A very good read!
Shari!! Thanks so very much for reading! xo
There’s a great efficiency to the storytelling here that seems to go well with the overall theme. No words to waste, no details to linger over unnecessarily, just as the narrator is constantly running out of time. Nice work
Thank you so much for stopping by Zach! The theme was definitely a fun one to write too!
Congratulations on crafting an excellent, deeply dramatic and haunting story, Karen. Polished tension of guilt, panic, fear, and debilitating trauma shine start to end.
Oh Victor, Thank you. So. Very. Much. Means a great deal to me coming from you!! xo
What a story, and pain……Karen , beautiful work!
Thank you so much For the kind words Mary!!
Great story telling! I thought as the story went on, that you were leaving little clues to let us know that in reality this dash from the hospital could not have actually happened. That something else was going on. first, how did she know she had an hour before the tragedy would happen. Her being able to get out of the hospital so easily, having to find every thing and get dress. The time it takes to catch a cab, run more than 3 Oh blocks, run up flights of stairs, all in one hour! Oh, and the fact she knew, somehow, that Luck could not help her. So, in the end the reader could not be totally surprised. Subconsciously, all these little hits would help us accept her mental condition, accept that her regrets for that one bad decision didn’t help the situation. And we still wish some how we could help. I think you went even further by helping us realize there IS help, She could eventually see HE was to troubled by events in his life and possibly pushed her away because he didn’t want her around to see him take his life; knowing it would not be all her fault. Brilliant!
Hi Beverly, thank you so much for stopping by! I am so happy to read that you noticed all the little hints and how you really “got” the story. I really appreciate your comments! Thanks for reading. 🙂
Congratulations Karen! What a truly haunting story.
Thanks so much for reading Thomas! 🙂
Hi Karen! Your story is very well written and if I may echo a reply above, very concise and to the point! I too, wondered how she know the exact time, but did not put it together until the very end. Bravo! Kept my attention for sure. Regret is tricky to deal with in life and in this case may never be resolved. Unfortunately, both parties bear the responsibility of the outcome but only one is living to see it through……
Hi Michelle, Thanks so much for reading and for your comments! You are so right, regret is tricky and in this case it does not appear that it will get resolved (sadly, as in life sometimes). I am glad it kept your attention and appreciate your stopping by!
Very haunting and fast paced. Nicely done. Congrats!
Hi Hannah! Thank you!! Appreciate your reading my story. 🙂
Hi Miss Karen,
This hurt girl! After having lost 4 out of 5 of my dearest friends to suicide (from pills to jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge) within the past 5 years, it struck a wallop onto me. All I can write right now is OUCH! I’m sure it must have been painful to write too. Hugs, TRET xxx
PS Sadly none of my friends were dentists… get it? (4 outta 5) I know what’s kept me alive is my Irish humor, albeit occasionally sarcastic as it is.
4 outta 5! of course I get it. 🙂 I have always loved your humor. Humor is the best medicine. I feel and share that pain Tret. Thx 4 reading, hugs back at ya! xo
Wow, I was hooked from the start. Loved the writing style – very concise and powerful. I wanted to read more! I read the story last week and found myself thinking about a different part of it every day since.
Congrats, Karen! What a powerful, moving piece — en emotional tapestry woven with an economy of words and an abundance of spirit. I loved it! Write on.