This story is by Marge Sells and was part of our 2019 Summer Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.
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Horseshoes and Hand Grenades
Summer Writing Contest – Posted on June 3, 2019 (1,493 words)
27
Marge Sells: Writing Contests
Member since May 28, 2019
It’s not my first time being interrogated by the cops and if I keep my cool, they will have to let me go. The big guy trying to be all “good cop” and his partner trying to scare me, what a joke! I have to answer their questions and they’ll have to let me go. There is no motive or proof. I met her at a bar on Christmas Eve. We drank too much. Like today at the cookout. We bet on who was the best at horseshoes and I was determined to win bragging rights. They said they’d get me something to eat, we’ve been here a couple of hours. This room has no TV, no radio, no clock, just a table and a chair screwed into the floor. The detectives’ chairs are on wheels. The bare walls look like they were painted with watered down ceiling paint. The big cop is O.K., but I don’t like the “bad cop”.
Detective Waters came back with a can of soda and crackers and asked, “This alright , Frank?”
“Yeah.”
Waters sat down, turned on his recorder and asked, “Tell me exactly how you two met, Frank?”
“Well, like I said, me and some friends from work at the pulp mill stopped at the Crow Bar in Brunswick on Christmas Eve. We played shuffleboard and darts, shot pool and the jukebox was playing, so, we’re having a good time.”
“So, Frank, Christmas Eve, that’s 15 days ago, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“So, this gal comes home with you and stayed in the camper with you for a week?”
“Yeah.”
“I guess she talked about her family or her job?”
“I don’t remember, we drank a lot.”
“Her kids, Frank, did she say she missed her kids, or needed to get home?”
“She might have, the truth is, I don’t remember much when I drink.”
“Frank, can you help us with her name?”
“I don’t remember, unhhh… maybe Katy or Kathy or something like that.”
“That might help. I’ll be back in a few, you ought to eat something, Frank, we’ve been at this for a while.”
I can’t remember the last time I drank a Cheerwine, and these crackers and cheese ain’t bad. Those marks on the floor and the baseboard, look like shoe scuffs.
When Waters returned, he turned on the recorder and placed a ripe banana on the table saying, “Here, not much to find this hour of the night, Frank. So, Brunswick P.D. has a missing person, Kayla Garcia didn’t come home to her kids Christmas Day. She’s a regular at the Crow Bar and left after a scuffle with blood running down her forehead, according to the bartender. Ring any bells, Frank?”
“Unnhhhh… sorta, drinking in that hot sun today…”
Waters, “Frank, you all went through several cases of beer today, That why you didn’t recognize the victim, Kayla Garcia?”
“When I saw her, I almost passed out, my knees buckled. I couldn’t spit or swallow. She was dirty gray, black, blue, soggy skin and eat up. I swear, I went blank!”
“Well, Frank, now you’re over the initial shock, do you remember the last time you spoke to Kayla?”
“We went into town New Year’s Eve. I honestly don’t remember coming home. She wasn’t there when Joe woke me to watch football. I thought she caught a ride home.”
Waters, “I have to report to my captain and check the coroner’s preliminary. The victim could have had a subdural hematoma for a couple of days, became confused and fell into the canal and died. Water and decomp give us less evidence. We rely on witnesses and you, Frank, have helped. Bear with us a little longer and we can wrap this up.”
“This is tiresome, but whatever helps.”
Waters picked up the can and wrapper and left. There’s no trash can in the room. “Bad cop” is still texting. A fruit fly from the ripe banana! Great, just what I need, buzzing in my face.. I don’t know which is worse, “bad cop” or this annoying bug. I would like to kill either one or both. “Bad cop stays quiet. Waters is in charge. Waters is smarter and he believes me. I think this room is getting smaller. Solitary at Brown Creek Correctional was bigger than this, big enough for a cot, a sink and a toilet. The name Frank Brown will not lead Waters to the truth and my record. I can say that I’m a different Frank Brown because I am. I don’t have a record under that name. I didn’t notice that loose ceiling tile over the doorway. I wonder if it leads to an escape route. Maybe that’s why “bad cop” has to stay in this cubicle, so I don’t break out. Hah!
Then Detective Waters returned holding a manila folder with a stack of typed pages and photos. He flipped through the stack and slid out a sheet. He raised one eyebrow as he read the contents. Then he placed it back into the folder. After a minute or two he asks, “Frank, how long have you lived in Darien?”
“Six, seven months.”
“And before that?”
“Florida, picking oranges twice a year and fertilizer plants in Polk County.”
“Ever work in North or South Carolina? How about Virginia?”
“No, I don’t know anybody there. If I move, I need a place to stay until I get paid. Virginia Beach, I visited there in my teens. Easter Sunday the ocean was forty-five degrees and they were pulling the tourists out and sending them to the hospital with hypothermia. I know less about North or South Carolina, truth be told. No, Florida and Georgia have milder winters and if I have to live in the woods until I get paid regular, at least I won’t catch pneumonia. How much longer you gonna ask me all these questions? I know my rights. I’ve been cooperating truthfully and I could really use a cigarette right about now. So, if we’re done, I’ll call Sam or Joe for a ride home…”
Waters interrupted, “More likely you need a drink. It’s nearly 10:00 p.m.. The coroner said Kayla was shackled and beaten inside the camper. He made the team go back again. He said to tear the place apart if you have to, they have to be there. Sam and Joe never saw Kayla. They left the Crow Bar before you met Kayla. They said you were alone New Year’s Eve. We found the shackles under the carpet, under the floorboards, under the bed, with trace amounts of blood on the shackles. We’ll match Kayla’s DNA. Before we found the shackles, we almost let you go. She came willingly but you never intended for her to leave. You shackled, raped, starved and beat her to a pulp, repeatedly. She lost enough weight to get out of the shackles while you slept. She was so disoriented that she climbed the fence next door and stumbled down into the canal and died when she was only two hundred yards from the neighbor’s house. We ran your DNA off a can, and we know who you are and that you acted alone. Sam and Joe hadn’t been inside the camper since you moved in. Sam gave permission to search the camper. When you realized she was gone, you did a thorough job of getting rid of any trace of Kayla. After a few days I bet you thought that you were in the clear. We almost let you go. We didn’t expect DNA results for days but you’re in CODIS. You stayed under the radar since your escape from Brown Creek Correctional on your way to court. Just a stroke of luck that we got results as fast as we did, in time for the eleven o’clock news. We almost let you go. It was close, “Frank”, but you know what they say, “Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”
.
©
This work is copyrighted by Marge Sells.
Any unauthorized reproduction, alteration, distribution, or other use of this work is prohibited.
Critiques
Ariel Teague’s critique:
June 3, 2019
Hi! I’m not sure if you posted this by accident, but this currently looks like an empty draft. Just wanted to give a heads up!
Reply
jenna langbaum’s critique:
June 3, 2019
Hi! Having trouble accessing your piece. Look forward to reading!
Reply
Jace Hawkins’s critique:
June 3, 2019
Hi Marge,
I see that there is some sort of technical issue involving your story. Hopefully everything is resolved soon so that we can read it!
Thanks,
Jace
Reply
Marge Sells’s critique:
June 3, 2019 [Delete]
I think it’s O.K. Now. Marge
Reply
Catherine Ryan’s critique:
June 4, 2019
eat and drink, we’ve been
Run on sentence needs a period or possibly a semi-colon.
Reply
Catherine Ryan’s critique:
June 4, 2019
picturea
picture (delete ‘a’)
Reply
Catherine Ryan’s critique:
June 4, 2019
I don’t I don’t
Did you mean to double this?
Reply
Catherine Ryan’s critique:
June 4, 2019
your
you’re (you are)
Reply
Catherine Ryan’s critique:
June 4, 2019
Ill
I’ll
Reply
Robert ( Leigh) Hunt’s critique:
June 4, 2019
One of the best stories that I have read in this contest. I really like the dialogue and the detail that brings a great deal of authenticity to the narrative.
I was wondering if at the beginning you could say that the “bare walls looked like they were white-washed with ceiling paint”. That would save saying that the walls were bare and with no pictures in a separate sentence – maybe ( just a thought ).
During the dialogue, I noticed that some of it began with the name of one of the detectives. Is this on purpose like from a transcript? It seems to work anyway.
I really enjoyed this and you are clearly a skilled and confident writer. A big thumbs-up from me at least.
Reply
Marge Sells’s critique:
June 4, 2019 [Delete]
Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions, my first effort outside of an English composition class more years ago than I care to count. Good luck in the contest. Marge
Reply
Catherine Ryan’s critique:
June 4, 2019
Waters,
I think that you can delete every place you have ‘Walters,’ since it is clear in his dialog when he is speaking to Frank. This can save you some words.
Reply
Catherine Ryan’s critique:
June 4, 2019
Something buzzed past Frank’s face. A fruit fly from the ripe banana and it flew back and forth between Frank and the banana.
Point of view changed here from Frank’s first person to third person.
Reply
Catherine Ryan’s critique:
June 4, 2019
Hi, Marge.
Yaay! your story is finally free.
I like how the events are revealed through dialog inside the interrogation room. Frank’s pov is distinctly his and he is sure he’s going to be freed. Waters reveals important details only when the time is right and it changes the story completely. Well done.
I did mark a place where the point of view shifted and a few typos.
Frank starts out certain he will beat this accusation. I would like one line from him at the end showing the change in his understanding.
A fine, grim police procedural.
Best of luck in the contest.
Cathy
Reply
Marge Sells’s critique:
June 4, 2019 [Delete]
Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions, but my story was rescued. Like Liam Neeson, I went all “Taken” by locating draft in what looks like deleted “Trash” from Oct. 2018 file. I printed a copy and had to “typing 101” small print from paper via “EDIT” instead of keyboarding my story as I wrote it. “Frank, ” like most psychopaths, would have said something that a.) you and I probably would not relate to, or b.) would have sounded stupid, or c.) both. His contribution was the crime and there is, sadly, no shortage of that. My concern was to get it in on time. And you are a witness, I do not have O.C.D. Plan: fix it tomorrow. Good luck with the contest. Marge
Reply
Marjory Harris’s critique:
June 4, 2019
Marge, I really liked this, the way you contrasted “Frank’s” ability to notice and remember details but not when it came to the cops’ questions.
There are some punctuation errors to clean up. I recommend Grammarly.
Overall, a really good piece of writing, good outer and inner dialog.
Reply
Marge Sells’s critique:
June 4, 2019 [Delete]
………thank you for your thoughts, critique and suggestions, very helpful…Marge
Reply
Cynthia Callard’s critique:
June 5, 2019
Hello Marge,
You did a good job of placing me in that room with the prisoner.
The cops seemed realistic too.
Good luck
Cyntia
Reply
Nidhi Sharma’s critique:
June 5, 2019
“That might help. I’ll be back in a few, you ought to eat something, Frank, we’ve been at this for a while.”I will be back in few minutes? Or just few.. (i am just pointing it…)
Reply
Marge Sells’s critique:
June 5, 2019 [Delete]
Thank you. Back in a few = no clock, ie., no minutes. I googled interrogation techniques and used the articles for this piece. We had to write in a room, interrogators call this room “the box”. When subject says “honestly”, “truthfully”, “to tell you the truth”, LIES! I wanted to describe it and let the reader experience and conclude it, not tell it. Did I accomplish that? Good luck with the contest.
Reply
Nidhi Sharma’s critique:
June 5, 2019
That cool. I didn’t know that, thanks for replying.
Reply
Nidhi Sharma’s critique:
June 5, 2019
But I would like to kill either one or both
I think this frustration that Frank shows here needs a little build up… Otherwise it looks is getting irritated without any reason.
It’s just a suggestion… 🙂
Reply
Marge Sells’s critique:
June 5, 2019 [Delete]
my attempt to look into the mind of a killer whose being questioned for hours and determined to keep to his version of the “truth”.
Reply
Nidhi Sharma’s critique:
June 5, 2019
Got it
Reply
Nidhi Sharma’s critique:
June 5, 2019
Loved the story. I think the dialogue where Frank thinks they will never know truth should come a little early and thwn you can carry some conversation where the good cop, Waters grills him with questions that he can’t answer or hesitates while answering and finally he says that he did it (the last part of story)
Reply
Nidhi Sharma’s critique:
June 5, 2019
Cool 🙂
Reply
Joanne Swain’s critique:
June 5, 2019
Great story. I wonder what happens next? Easy to read and understand. I guess he may be going to jail lol. Like the story!
Reply
Match #1: Critique the following to see your critiques on “Horseshoes and Hand Grenades”
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