Short Fiction Break

Break From Reality. Daily.

  • Stories
  • About
  • Staff
  • Contests
    • Current Contest
    • Past Contests
      • Spring 2022 Contest
      • 10th Anniversary Contest
      • Spring 2021 Contest
      • Fall 2020 Contest
      • Summer 2020 Contest
      • Summer 2019 Contest
      • Fall 2018 Contest
      • Summer 2018 Contest
      • Spring 2018 Contest
      • Winter 2017 Contest
      • Fall 2017 Contest
      • Summer 2017 Contest
      • Spring 2017 Contest
      • Winter 2016 Contest
      • 5th Anniversary Contest
  • Submit

Happy Accidents

February 18, 2020 by Angela Largent 20 Comments

Happy Accidents

Dust motes floated in the air, tickling my allergies. The janitors hadn’t cleaned this old file room in years. Why bother, when no one ever came in here anymore? Except me, because my boss just had to have an invoice from 2013. As I pinched my nose to prevent a sneeze, I fantasized handing him an IRS audit notice and watching him break out in hives.

I reminded myself that I only had to make it through one more day before my vacation started. By Saturday I would be in St. Louis, cuddling my grandchildren. And in only three more years I would be eligible for retirement. I could make it through three years.

I pushed a file drawer shut, sending more dust rising into the air. A violent sneeze ripped out of me, rattling the plastic file drawers stacked on top of the cabinet. I was surprised they hadn’t toppled. As I drew in a shuddering breath, another sneeze racked my body, and this time it was too much for my bladder. With mounting horror, I felt the warm leakage seeping into my pant leg.

Khakis, the worst possible color for hiding wetness.

This had never happened at work before. What was I going to do? The bathroom was a long walk of shame to the other side of the building, so my best option was to hang out here until my pants dried. Hopefully no one would come looking for me. I shut off the lights so they wouldn’t be seen through the frosted glass in the door. Then I stood spreadeagled and used a file folder to fan my pants.

When the doorknob turned, I let out a little squeak. Without thinking, I dropped to my knees and crawled behind a stack of boxes. If I got caught, I could say I was looking for a contact lens. In the dark. With wet pants.

I heard the door shut quietly, then soft whispers and a muffled giggle. They didn’t turn on the light. Great. Apparently this file room was the high school equivalent of “under the bleachers.” Guess the janitor should clean in here after all.

My knees were already starting to hurt, so I hoped they’d at least be quick about it. I ran through multiplication tables in my head as I tried to block out the little slurps and moans. I imagined standing and shouting, “Boo!” I had to suppress a giggle, so I wouldn’t get caught, but also so I wouldn’t have any more leakage. Why had I ordered that extra large iced tea at lunch?

Then the woman whispered, “Oh, Ken!” and I got a bad feeling. I had to risk taking a look. As I straightened, one of my knees popped. I froze, but the pair hadn’t noticed.

The man was Ken Meadows, my boss’s boss’s boss. He had inherited the company two years ago, and had been running it into the ground ever since. I had never spoken to him, but I knew his much younger wife, Sandra. We had met at the company picnic last year and bonded over our mutual dislike of sack races and egg tosses. She had invited me to join her book group, so I saw her once a month.

Sometimes the group discussed the book. Sometimes we drank large amounts of wine and discussed our husbands. That was how I knew Sandra was bored and lonely in her marriage. That was also how I knew about the no cheating clause in their prenup.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, using a hand to shield the glow from the screen. As I started recording with the video app, I could make out two figures and I could tell what they were doing, but there were no distinguishing characteristics. I kept filming anyway.

When they were done, the woman opened the door to see if the coast was clear. It was Debi from sales, with the big fake smile and the blouses that were always too tight. Light spilled in from the bright hallway and perfectly lit Ken’s face in my little video. Indisputable proof.

Ken left first. Debi counted to ten, then followed. I stopped the recording and stood creakily and stretched. My pants were nearly dry.

I smiled as I emailed the video to Sandra. Because of my leaky bladder, my friend would soon own half this company.

Incontinence and book clubs: the superpowers of the aged.

Filed Under: Drama

About Angela Largent

Angela Largent decided at the age of twelve that she wanted to be a writer, but then Adult Life had its way with her. She currently lives in Wichita, Kansas, with a squirrelly cat, a cranky cat, and a happy dog.

« The Chamber
YO-HO-HO! »

Comments

  1. Jane Bolton says

    February 18, 2020 at 1:01 pm

    Charming. . .love the bladder stuff 😉

    Reply
    • Angela Largent says

      February 21, 2020 at 2:11 am

      Thanks, Jane!

      Reply
  2. Shirley says

    February 18, 2020 at 1:09 pm

    Loved it….

    Reply
    • Angela Largent says

      February 21, 2020 at 2:12 am

      Thank you, Shirley!

      Reply
  3. Chris Campbell says

    February 18, 2020 at 2:34 pm

    Great tale one sure fire way to get caught out, really enjoyed it

    Reply
    • Angela Largent says

      February 21, 2020 at 2:12 am

      Thank you, Chris! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      Reply
  4. Merry Goodman says

    February 18, 2020 at 3:29 pm

    Fun story. Need to be careful sneaking around!!

    Reply
    • Lyn Blair says

      February 18, 2020 at 4:30 pm

      So funny. What a great line to end the story, “Incontinence and book clubs: the superpowers of the aged.”
      I loved it!

      Reply
      • Angela Largent says

        February 21, 2020 at 2:20 am

        Thanks, Lyn! My joints may creak, but my sense of humor will always remain well-oiled. 🙂

        Reply
    • Angela Largent says

      February 21, 2020 at 2:15 am

      Thanks, Merry! Yes, using the file room was dumb. He should have sprung for a hotel. 🙂

      Reply
  5. Sandy Nèss says

    February 18, 2020 at 4:48 pm

    Cute story. Would love to read more.

    Reply
    • Angela Largent says

      February 21, 2020 at 2:22 am

      Thanks, Sandy! I have more stories on Short Fiction Break, if you’re interested. https://shortfictionbreak.com/author/angelalargent/

      Reply
  6. JudithAnne says

    February 18, 2020 at 6:48 pm

    Love that there’s no hesitation. She hits send no qualms

    Reply
    • Angela Largent says

      February 21, 2020 at 2:23 am

      Ha! In her defense, she was feeling a little cranky….

      Reply
  7. Judy Clay says

    February 19, 2020 at 12:04 am

    Great story, perfect ending. Enjoyed it so much I’ve shared it with friends.

    Reply
    • Angela Largent says

      February 21, 2020 at 2:25 am

      Thank you, Judy! That’s the best compliment I can get!

      Reply
  8. Ellis Shuman says

    February 20, 2020 at 10:02 am

    Enjoyable story!

    Reply
    • Angela Largent says

      February 21, 2020 at 2:25 am

      Thanks, Ellis!

      Reply
  9. Selma says

    March 7, 2020 at 8:48 am

    Enjoyable. Such a great laugh, Angela. So glad your protagonist had a good win. Glad she didn’t sneeze while filming.
    Great last lines. Loved.

    Reply
  10. Daniel says

    March 7, 2020 at 1:36 pm

    This is a very great story.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Top Stories

She's Back

...

Read More »

Blue, Red

...

Read More »

The McMinnville Incident

...

Read More »

The Winter Bride

...

Read More »

Closing Arguments

...

Read More »

Resources for Writers

The Write Practice | The Write Shop
Let’s Write a Short Story | Character Test Podcast | Point of View Guide | Best Software for Writers | How to Publish a Short Story

Best of Short Fiction Break

Suspense Short Stories | Magical Realism Short Stories | More Coming Soon

Story Ideas

Short Story Ideas | Mystery Story Ideas | Romance Story Ideas | Thriller Story Ideas | Fantasy Story Ideas | Sci-fi Story Ideas

CONTACT || PUBLICATION RIGHTS || Copyright © 2023