This story is by Jared Abraham and was part of our 2017 Summer Writing Contest. You can find all the Summer Writing Contest stories here.
Give Daddy a Kiss
“Give daddy a kiss.”
Daddy told me that every morning as he tucked me in. And I always obeyed. I gave him a big smackeroo on his cheek, and he’d laugh in my ear. Usually, that was the end of it, but every once in a while, his laugh was forced, urgent. When I’d finished giving daddy my kiss, he’d whisper, “my turn.” Until yesterday, I never knew what happened next.
Well, all that ends tonight. Who am I? I’m Jeanette Tanner, vampire slayer! I hope that you hear some good theme music when I say that – I sure do! Daddy dearest may not always have drunk my blood, but when he did, he left me nearly dead. If that reminds you of the Most Interesting Man in the World, then good. Just like the Most Interesting Man in the World took a rocket to Mars, tonight I’m sending daddy somewhere worse.
I’m pretty sure that Jeanie knows. It’s obvious I should’ve had “the talk” with her already. I’ve been dreading this ever since I took her in. I’ve lived for centuries, toppled kingdoms, ruled empires. That was all easy compared to raising a teenage girl.
I knew it was wrong the first time I drank from her. I never imagined she’d taste so good, so different! Her blood was like a flower that you may never see open again. Flowers are meant to be enjoyed. I figured Jeanie’s blood was meant for me to enjoy. I was always careful though. I never took too much or drank from her too often. I do love her, after all.
This evening, Jeanie wouldn’t look at me. She stomped into the kitchen for brenner while I sipped my “coffee.” Instead of eating her cereal, Jeanie kept touching her neck, right where I’d bitten her. My saliva healed the wound. There wasn’t even a scar. As she fingered her neck, her eyes darted toward me before she snapped them back. In that moment, I saw rage like I haven’t seen for centuries. It never scared me when villagers looked at me that way. I could just destroy their village. But Jeanie? Can I destroy my child?
While daddy went on patrol for the night, I went to work. Between the hardware store, the Christian bookstore, and the supermarket, I got everything I needed for vampire slaying. At least I hope I did…most of my knowledge of slaying vamps is from TV. If that’s all true, we’re good. If not, then it’s on to Plan B. What’s Plan B? Wouldn’t you like to know!
I got some really excellent deals on crucifixes. I never knew they came in seven packs, but that was a deal I couldn’t pass up. I’m vampire slaying on a budget, since I don’t get my allowance from Daddy until next Saturday. I did splurge on some lavender holy water. I’m not sure if lavender will work against vampires, but I love how it smells. Might as well enjoy my work!
When I got home, I first made my dowel rods all pointy. Then, I started putting my plan in motion. I’ll make a funnel, so that Daddy will have to meet me in my room. Except I won’t be in my room (did you hear theme music this time?)! I’ll be lying in wait, ready to spring out and stake daddy through the heart. After that, it should be easy.
I got home from my shift and it was clear. Jeanie’s trying to kill me. Not half-heartedly trying to kill me, like teenagers are prone to do with their vampire fathers. She’s all out, die mother-f’er trying to kill me. I knew I shouldn’t have let her watch so much TV.
Right inside the door, I was drenched by a bucket of water. Holy water? I never knew holy water was scented, but this smelled hideous! From there, it was a maze of alternating garlic and crucifixes. I guess Jeanie forgot the key ingredient in my world famous Chicken Parm is garlic (or blood, but I can’t tell the neighbors about that key ingredient). And the crucifixes? Well maybe if I was staked by one that would work. I played along, curious to see where this was going. I can’t believe Jeanie squirreled away enough money to buy all this! I’ve really got to reconsider her allowance.
It was clear that the maze led to Jeanie’s room, so I walked right in. Oddly enough, she wasn’t there.
This is all going according to plan! The holy water was a splash (get it?), and Daddy clearly had no choice but to follow my labyrinth. Now he’s in my room and has no idea where I am!
Jeanie’s in the attic. Maybe it’s my years on the force working crime scenes. Or maybe, I can see that the attic isn’t quite closed, and her pink converse are sticking out. It’s probably the years on the force.
It’s time for Jeanie the vampire slayer to make her first kill. Let the fury commence!
Well, that was interesting. It was certainly furious. Unskilled but furious. I could have disarmed her without my super speed, though being super fast never hurts. I encouraged her to take up Taekwondo a few years back. I really wish she’d taken me up on it. I suppose it’s past time for us to have that talk. I just need a drink to fortify me first…
Daddy and I are all better now. At first I was so angry, but Daddy calmed me down. He cried a little when told me about the day he adopted me. I was left all alone. Helpless. And he fell in love with me. Then he promised never to bite me again. And he increased my allowance! Maybe Jeanie the vampire slayer isn’t for me. I think next I’ll be Jeanette Tanner, fashion queen!