This story is by Robert Ochart and was part of our 2021 Spring Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.
The disheveled mop of hair atop Raul’s six-foot-eight-inch frame towered above the crowd. My gaze followed him as he snaked his way through the nightclub. He didn’t look in my direction, but I willed him to do so. I expected some acknowledgment he messed up and wanted to return, because despite his many screw-ups and countless humiliations, I’d take him back.
Raul worked the room like a polished politician, waving and smiling and introducing his female companion to our friends. I wanted to punch the smile off his face because they had been my friends first.
I tried to lose myself in the rhythmic beat of the music as sweat beaded on my forehead and moisture developed between my breasts and under my pits, but our eyes met, and he smiled, showing off the Chiclet-white veneers I paid for, which only made me shimmy harder.
The band finished the set, and I raced to the restroom without looking in my friends’ direction. My first night out in the three months since the miscarriage and break-up, I suspected my friends were looking to see if I would fall apart, or go ballistic, both of which were possibilities. I wanted to avoid their self-righteous condemnation, or worse yet, their pity.
My heart palpitated like it was attempting a prison break through my chest, so I used yoga breathing techniques to calm down. After wiping the perspiration from my face, from between my breasts, and from under my arms, I walked out of the restroom with my head held high and shoulders pushed back. I sashayed across the floor with my hands by my side, owning the room, just as I instructed my dance students.
I returned to my table, and my best friends, Sophie, and Juan, seated with their significant others, Alfredo, and Andres, stopped talking. Their eyes darted from me to Raul, seated at the neighboring table, and back again. I wanted to let out un hijo de puta but refused to give Raul the satisfaction. When he glanced in my direction, I turned away and blew a kiss to a former admirer across the room.
Juan ordered me a mojito, and everyone remained quiet, until Andres said, “Well, if no one will tell her, I will.” He leaned towards me and said what sounded like, “Dress button cracked.”
I inspected my dress. “What buttons?”
“Girl, you need to take your dress out your butt crack.”
My ears burned at the thought of everyone seeing me walk through the club with my dress up my ass. I lifted my butt off the chair and tugged on the material when I overheard Raul’s date say, “She’s an old lady. I didn’t realize you did charity work.”
Jumping from my seat, I moved towards Raul’s date, wanting to show her the old lady could still kick her ass, but Juan interceded and steered me to the dance floor.
“They’re not worth it,” said Juan.
“Did you hear her?”
Looking over Juan’s shoulder, I saw Raul and his date in an animated exchange. I imagined Raul chastising the woman until he leaned over and kissed her.
“What do you expect out of the mouths of children?”
My eyes watered. “Why is he doing this to me?”
“He’s an ass.”
“With all the clubs in New York, why does he come to my favorite place?”
“He’s cruel.”
“And then to throw that young girl in my face, in front of my friends.”
“A lack of respect.”
“After ten years, I deserve better.”
“That’s what happens when you mess around with someone half your age.”
I smacked Juan across the shoulders. “I’m only ten years older than him.”
“Same shit.”
“I haven’t told anyone, but I’m closing the business. We’re broke.”
“What happened?”
“Money disappeared.”
“Raul?”
“He denies taking it.”
“Did you report it?”
I hesitated, and Juan’s eyes met mine. He said, “Don’t be a pendeja.”
“He wants to remain friends, but how can I be friends with someone who treats me as he does?
“Friends? He needs to be arrested.”
I scanned the room. “Shh. Everything happened so fast: the money, the baby, and then him leaving. I was devastated. Tonight is the first night I haven’t stayed home crying.”
Juan lowered his voice, “So, he’s screwing you and anyone else he can, AND he’s a thief? He needs his butt kicked. Say the word, and I’ll do it myself. We’ll see how those bitches like him when he gets his ass kicked by a queen.”
The floodgates opened, and tears streamed down my face as I laughed at the thought of five-foot-nothing Juanito kicking Raul’s ass.
We danced until I almost forgot why Juan took me out to dance. I loved salsa music with its blaring horns, pounding congas, and its rat-tat-tatting timbales; salsa made me move in ways too embarrassing to move otherwise. And I’d dance with anyone who’d ask, unlike the divas waiting around for non-existent dream partners. If someone had the courage to walk across the dance floor and ask to dance, I owed it to the person to accept. Plus, it was good for business.
Raul and his companion disappeared by the time we returned to the table, and I flopped in my chair, parched. “Where’s my mojito?”
“I put it to good use,” said Andres, before he slurped the last of the drink. He flagged down the server. “Bring her another mojito… extra strong.”
“I told the asshole he needed to leave before you returned,” said Sophie.
“I missed you.” We hugged, and a teary-eyed Sophie nodded in agreement. I appreciated her witnessing what happened, since she had defended Raul when I told her of his previous transgressions. Our friendship deteriorated when she suggested my insecurities chased him away, and if not for Juan and Andres’s anniversary gathering, we would’ve continued inventing convenient excuses why we couldn’t get together.
“Can you believe what that bimbo said?” asked Andres.
Juan scowled at his lover, and pointed at the mint leaf between his teeth, but Andres sucked his teeth and continued. “Can’t be a day over twenty-five. She’ll get hers. Wait until old age drops her ass and those tits to the ground. I see it at the gym every day.”
“I don’t think time affects implants,” said Alfredo.
“Please change the topic,” I said. “Fredo, dance with me.”
“I’m just here for the company and the music.” He winked at Sophie. “I will not embarrass myself.”
“I’ll lead.”
Before I convinced Alfredo to dance, the band stopped playing and Raul and his date walked on stage. Raul took the microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen, my apologies for the interruption, but I would like to thank the band and the management team at Club Ecstasy for allowing me to share this special moment with you.”
Raul retrieved a small box out of his jacket and dropped to one knee. I tasted blood as my incisors bit into my lower lip. That should be me. I was the one who changed you from a trapo mojado into what you’ve become. Me! I should’ve called the police when the money disappeared. The same money you used to buy that ring. Now I’m broke, forced to close my business, and you’re moving on.
“Stephanie, we’ve only been together for a short while, but it’s the quality of our time together that makes me feel I’ve known you my entire life. As my soul mate, I can’t think of anyone else to spend the rest of my life with. Will you marry me?”
The yoga classes and the freaking pretzel positions; the five AM jogs on the boring-ass treadmill; the bacteria injected into my face; the rabbit food that left me starving; all of it, for nothing. You still left for someone younger.
Was it because the doctor said I could no longer have children? We would’ve. A son, our son, if I hadn’t continued working to compensate for the missing money.
“Yes, yes, I’ll marry you.”
I thought I was your Dulcinea?
Raul struggled with the ring, so Stephanie helped push the ring pass her knuckle.
Raul Delgado, that will be the last time you humiliate me.
Amidst the applause, whistling, and clanging of glasses, I pulled my SIG P238 out of my purse and shot him.
I’m a terrible shot. I missed Raul, but lucky me, the bullet ricocheted off the congas and hit him, anyway. He now has a permanent limp.
Raul and the bimbo hosted a lavish wedding attended by my traitorous former friends. The newlyweds moved to Scarsdale, and I’m sitting in a six by eight awaiting my mental health evaluation for my insanity defense. I’ll have to live with the pain and humiliation of having lost everything: my love, my child, my money, my business, my friends, my freedom, and my sanity.
I’d be better off dead.
Brilliantly written! I didn’t expect that ending…
Thank you, Carrie.
This was a very interesting piece had my attention the entire time! I want to hear more! Well written!
Thank you, Collette! I’m glad I was able to capture your attention for the entire story.
Wow!.
Like a fish on a bait line…you hooked me.
I kept swallowing the barbed point even as I watched the cricket swim away!
Thank you, Phyllis! Be careful with the barbed point. Lol
I enjoyed this story.
Thank you, Dennis!
Beautifully written! I enjoyed watching the character develop.
Thank you, Jeannette!
Very real. Enjoyed reading!
Thank you, Virginia! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my story.
I want to write the short screen play. Call me!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my story. I will be calling.
Great read! Loved it. Definitely had me hooked from the start!
Thank you, Raymond! I’m glad you enjoyed my character’s story.
Nicely written, enjoyed.
Thank you, Will. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my story.
Great story. Talented author
Thank you, Yvonne!
Robert, Wow!! I really enjoyed reading your story. I congratulate you, it is brilliant!
Thank you, Iris! I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
Robert, you continue to amaze me with you story writing. Well done…got some flashbacks of my days hanging out at the Salsa club….luckily did not get shot!…lol
Thank you, Will! Lucky you not getting shot. lol
Well written sir!
Thank you, Guy!
Very nice short story. Well written!
Thank you, Zaadia! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my story.
As I read the story I felt as if I were watching a movie! I was involved. I want more.
Thank you, Joey! I’m glad the story transported you.
Really enjoyed reading the story. It felt as if you were involved in it not just reading it. It was a good write. Looking forward to your next one.
Thank you, Noelia for taking the time to read and comment on my story.
The author knows how to transmit details in the story in a way that bring the characters and the settings to life. I enjoyed the story.
Thank you, Alberto. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my story.
My mouth dropped at the unexpected ending. Well written
Thank you, Gloria! Glad you were surprised. Lol. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
Robert, you amaze me with your imagination.
I enjoyed reading this story. Now, finish writing your novel!
“With all the clubs in New York, why does he come to my favorite place?’ reminds me of the famous line in Casa Blanca, “Of all the gin joints, she had to come to mine”. Dulcinea was young and beautiful, in Don Quixote’s imagination, “I thought I was your Dulcinea?” makes me imagine that this older woman is trying to relive her youth with a younger man who’s only interest is in her money. He takes everything she has. Like Don Quixote, she’s living in a dream. Don Quixote battles windmills, and she battles with her age and beauty.
Your description of the music as they danceed, made me want to get up and dance. Unfortunately, my dancing days ar long gone.
I enjoyed this story and I’m looking forward to all the stories you’ve yet to write.
I don’t think I quoted Rick’s line from CASA BLANCA exactly, so do forgive me. I don’t know if you have seen the movie. It’s one of my favorite Humphrey Boggart movie whee he does not play a mobster.
Thank you, Jose! I appreciate you catching me paying homage to Casablanca (“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine”) and to Cervantes.
I’m glad the story made you want to get up and dance. Btw, I’m a great chair dancer. Lol
Once again, thank you for taking the time to read, comment, and vote.
Robert, I’ve known all these years that you are an amazing story teller! ❤️
Thank you, Daisy! I appreciate you taking the time to read my story.
Wow Great story I thought I was part of it at one point hope to see a movie of it one day
Thank you, Myrna! I’m so happy the story transported you to the club.
I laughed and enjoyed story. Great dialogue
Thank you, Myriam. Glad you enjoyed the story.
I love the descriptive details. Very captivating!!!!
Thank you, Patty! Glad you enjoyed the story.
Wow! Another winner! I always look forward to your stories, and the day I’ll say, “I knew him when…”
Thank you, Diane! I’m glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my story.
Vividly written. Well done.
Thank you, David.
Nice story. Well written.
Thank you, Betsy! Glad you enjoyed the story.
You, describe every move and action, one feels part of the drama. Couldn’t put it down.
Great job Robert.
Thank you, Saritza! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Just like CP days. Lol
Great read! Surprised by the ending!! It was too short; I’d love to know how the trial went!
Thank you, Vivian! Stay tuned.
I really enjoyed the story and want to read more of your stories.. Keep writing. It was a true pleasure.
Thank you, Will!
Wow! Congratulations!
Well written .
Thank you, Aracelis!
Robert, this story is well written. I believe many people can identify with the entire text. Your words are poignant and so truthful. Please don’t ever stop writing, as I will read whatever you publish.
Thank you, April! I appreciate your kind words.
Robert, you made me feel as if i was in that club, and i almost got to know those people,….
unlike most of the folks on here, although i was somewhat surprised, I loved the ending…..
keep up the good work..
Thank you, Jimmy! I’m glad the story transported you to the club and the characters felt believable.
Robert your descriptive storytelling is very engaging! I enjoyed it all the way through.
Thank you, Kat!
This was a great story! Great job.
Thank you, Louise!
Nice work. I enjoyed reading your story.
Thank you, Mark.
Robert: I really love how you describe emotions, tensions and environment. I clearly envision what you’re taking about as I read. Gotta love it!
Thank you, Claudia!