Break From Reality. Daily.
There he is again. Sitting opposite, eyes blazing, arms folded, while his girlfriend looks out of the window and pretends she can’t feel the anger that surrounds him. Now he’s glaring at me. He usually does. I can feel his gaze through the cover of my book. Something about reading seems to upset him. I noticed…
‘Daniel Fossett,’ the judge intoned. ‘Also known as The Amazing Danny Fortune, on one charge of aggravated assault I sentence you to…’ He raised his gavel, and the crowd in the courtroom gasped. Danny grinned from ear to ear. Three weeks earlier, The Amazing Danny Fortune was on stage at the local working men’s club….
Subject: A radical idea to raise sales figures From: Grant Bagshaw To: All Staff Date: 15.1.16 Dear valued colleagues. As you may know, the company has been experiencing difficult times of late. People are eating more healthily, exercising and living longer. Consequently, fewer people are dying and there are fewer sales of headstones. Unless we…
The Mayor makes his way to the stage to give the final result of Upshott Creek’s most hotly-contested Blooming Big Beard-Off in years. The competitors wait. They’ve done all they can. One scowls at another, much smaller, finalist, and broods. The audience holds its collective breath. ‘The winner of this year’s Blooming Big Beard-Off,’ the Mayor begins, ‘by…
‘Happy birthday dear Sa-am!’ chorused the tribe of snotty-faced infants gathered around the little table. ‘Happy birthday to yooooou!’ ‘Now blow out the candles, Sam!’ chirruped Mrs Simpson, their teacher. Sam’s six-foot frame was folded onto one of the tiny child-sized chairs, his knees somewhere around his ears. He rolled his eyes. ‘Come on Sam,…
Keith, get up. ‘Eh? Wha… what time is it?’ Get up, Keith. ‘Who said that?’ I did, Keith. Me, your shadow. To answer your question, it’s about six in the evening. You fell asleep, even with the light switched on. You were probably full after your tea. A nap always helps digestion. ‘What? Okay, who’s…
Oh, hello. I’ve been expecting you. Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable. Here I am, the corpse-in-waiting. I may not be moving much, I may be breathing like a knackered vacuum cleaner, I may be unable to speak out loud and I may smell of piss, but I assure you that, for now at…
‘So the thing is this…’ said the doctor to me. I sat opposite, legs crossed, and watched him over the frames of my glasses. ‘We’ve done some checking,’ he continued, ‘and that problem with your throat is…’ I waited. I’d assumed cancer, because I always assumed the worst – that way you could never be disappointed…
I have a block. It’s four inches high and made of wood. I like to write stories, and when I can’t think of anything to write about I draw patterns on my block with felt tip pens and get inspiration from what I’ve drawn. Usually I draw rainbows. I like rainbows, they make me happy. I…
