This story is by Sue Moreines and was part of our 2017 Winter Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.
A Fate Far Worse Than Death
“You bastard! How could you say that?” Jackie screamed.
“Look at him,” said Marshall. “He’s been lying there for ten years. Ten lost years, with only more of the same to come. Who would choose to go on like that? It’s not living, and definitely not something I want for my son. Fathers are supposed to help their children, and if there was any way I could have ended his misery long ago, I would have.”
“And on top of everything else you thought about murdering him?” Jackie replied angrily. “How do you live with yourself? Thank God I don’t have to anymore!”
Why are you talking in front of me? You know I can hear! At least the doctors told you I might be able to. This has been tough enough, and now this? I wish I could change what happened, but none of it was my fault. Not the accident and not your divorce. I didn’t ask to end up in a coma, breathing through a hole in my neck and kept alive by a feeding tube.
“Weren’t you listening at the meeting last week? Eight doctors sat around that conference table, each telling us Devin hasn’t made any progress despite years of therapy. When Dr. Shore said it was time for us to consider the final option, they all nodded in agreement. Jackie, it would take a miracle for him to recover now.” said Marshall.
“It doesn’t hurt to believe in miracles. Maybe if you hadn’t given up on him, things would be different.” murmured Jackie.
“I doubt it.” Marshall replied.
I knew you and Dad stayed with me around the clock for the longest time, but then your lives got in the way. All I could do was lie here with Dad repeatedly pointing out, “He’s locked away in perpetual hell!” It was obvious he couldn’t handle it and eventually only stopped by now and then. At least you came to visit as often as you could Mom.
Jackie said, “Yesterday I was sitting next to Devin, telling him about some of the things we did as a family when he was growing up. Like our vacation to Disney Land, building sand castles on the beach and watching cartoons together.”
I didn’t remember any of that. I’ve replayed what I do remember over and over again, since there was plenty of time to think. It was a beautiful fall day as we walked hand-in-hand to the bus stop. While we waited you looked down at me and said, “It’s so hard to believe you’re six years old Devin and there are so many exciting years ahead of you.” I only had time to smile, as the bus arrived and the door opened wide. You kissed me as my fingers slid from your hand. The first step sure was high, but I made it without any help and found a seat by a window. We waved goodbye with our eyes and then I leaned back and watched telephone poles fly by. I still have no idea what happened next.
“I swear Devin understood what I was saying because he blinked his eyes.” She continued.
“Jackie, we’ve been told umpteen times those are just reflexes.” said Marshall.
“Well, then why does it happen only when I’m talking to him?” Jackie asked.
“I don’t know. Probably coincidence.” He replied.
I never stop trying to communicate. Every day I struggle to move a finger, or a muscle in my face, or make a sound. There were a few times when I thought I opened my eyes on purpose when you were talking to me Mom, or maybe it was just my hopeful imagination.
There was a knock at the door, and in walked Dr. Shore. She greeted Devin’s parents and then spent a good bit of time examining him. Minutes went by before she faced them and said, “I don’t need to remind you about what we discussed last week, and now I have some updated news. An 18 year old young man was recently admitted to the hospital. He’s in Stage D heart failure, and if he doesn’t get a transplant soon, he’ll die. Devin’s heart is a perfect match.”
No one said a word for the longest time, but my thoughts were spinning out of control.
Eventually Dr. Shore said, “Look, we know this is putting you in a position no parent should ever have to face. I’m not sure what I would do if I were in your shoes. We just need you to think about it. Any decision you make will be fully respected.”
Jackie started to sob and collapsed onto a chair. As she was comforted by Dr. Shore, Marshall disappeared. When the cloud of pain lifted, Jackie stared at Devin for the longest time, begging him to wake up. After a while, Dr. Shore had to gently lead her to the door.
Lying there in the deafening silence, everything I learned ran through my mind. The truth was, of course I thought about death. It would’ve been impossible not to. Ten years of lying still, unable to do anything for myself. After they stop feeding me, how painful could it be before I slipped into the quiet darkness of death? On the other hand, every night I dreamed about reading a book, running down the street, taking a bath and riding a bicycle again. I deserved to have my life back.
The next day Marshall returned early. He pulled up a chair and said, “Devin, last night Mom and I talked for hours, arguing about what to do. We couldn’t guess what you would want, but we agreed you should be at peace. I’m here to tell you we made the agonizing decision to let you go. Donating your heart to save that boy will ensure a part of you will live on.”
Devin blinked more times than Marshall had ever noticed before and thought Jackie might be right. He reached down to kiss his cheek before leaving, and a single tear escaped, staining his pillow.
I couldn’t imagine what it was like for my parents to choose between whether I lived or died. I’m not sure what I would do, but it didn’t matter since the decision was made. If that boy’s heart kept beating, I would die. If he died first, would my parents change their mind about letting me go? All I could do was lie here and wait, but the clock had started to run in reverse. Not much time left.
Dr. Shore came back to see Devin later that evening. She sat without speaking for a long time, watching his diaphragm rise and fall. Finally, she took a deep breath and said, “Devin, this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Your parents struggle to decide was unimaginable. I know your Dad was here this morning but your Mom wasn’t feeling well enough to join him. I’m sure she’ll be here tomorrow before the feeding tube is disconnected.” Dr. Shore placed her hand on Devin’s shoulder as she turned to leave, and missed seeing Devin’s eyes squeeze shut.
All I heard was this was my last day on earth, since the end began in the morning. It would take days, maybe even a week, before the hands of the clock stopped. I couldn’t think anymore, and fell into a deep sleep.
Marshall paced the floor, waiting impatiently for Jackie to show up. He couldn’t bring himself to go in and see Devin on his own. When Dr. Shore arrived she said, “I hope Jackie’s ok. We can give her a little more time to get here.” Marshall followed Dr. Shore into the room and they both stopped dead in their tracks. Devin’s bed was empty.
I had the most amazing dream. It was a beautiful fall day and I was outside riding my bike and running through colorful leaves that covered the sidewalk. I hated having to stop when Mom called me in, but there was always tomorrow. After dinner and a warm bath, I laid down in bed so I could read my favorite book. Mom walked in and told me she wrote a story just for me. She held my hand and said she called it “A Message to My Son”.
“Devin, I love you with all my heart and would never agree to let you go anywhere without me. The clock is not going to stop, because I decided it was time to bring you home. We’re going to begin counting forward until we celebrate the day you recover. Never forget that miracles can happen!”
As the dream faded I was really in my own bed! Mom was looking down at me, and as I blinked, we said hello with our eyes.
Engaging story. Enjoyed the read.
Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to read my story Jenna. I’m happy to hear you enjoyed it!
It was an incredibly touching story. Thank you for sharing it. Now I’m off to vote for you
I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to read my story Sheri! Your feedback was most appreciated and I’m so grateful for your vote.
A terribly moving story. The narrative flowed very well until it reached the surprise ending. Well done.
John, I can’t thank you enough for choosing to read and comment on my story. I really appreciated it!
Captivating!!!! Well written story Sue!!!
Thank you Dana! Positive feedback will help me look forward to writing the next story.
Amazing and frightening story!
Thanks for reading my story Michael! I agree, it’s frightening and probably happens more often than we know. Luckily, this one is just fiction.
I like the way the narration shuffled between the protagonist and the inner thoughts of the patient. Suspenseful. Will he be put out of his misery? Does he want to stay alive?
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story Rochelle. I can’t begin to tell you how much that means to me. Your questions certainly got me thinking and could only be answered if the story was continued. Fortunately the word limit let me off the hook!
Excellent short story. Had me from the first line! Ms. Moreines’ development of three character in so short a time was truly exceptional. An excellent read.
Thank you Carol! I truly appreciate your feedback and for posting my story on your Facebook page. I hadn’t planned to share it, but thanks to your support, I just did!
Riveting!
Thank you so much for reading my story Sue. Your one word response said so much!
Awesome! My heart pounded with every word read! Would love to read more by this very talented person!
Wow! Thank you so much for your amazing feedback Kathy! Looks like I have to get started on a new story. I’ll definitely let you know when it’s finished!
All of the above and more. Excellent ending. So glad to read your work Sue!
I’m even happier that you were open to reading this story Julie! Thank you so much for your feedback!
Keep it going Sue !!!
Thank you so much for reading my story Sandy and for the encouragement to keep writing. I think I just may do that!
Sue, that was so good, completely enjoyed it. Loved the ending!
Getting positive feedback from a ‘professional’ reader means a lot Teresa!! So glad you enjoyed it!
Great ending! You are such a good writer!
Teresa, your feedback deserves a thank you times two!! So glad you liked the ending. I did spend a lot of time on this story and hoped it was clearly written.
Excellent read, quickly caught up in all the twisted emotions! A new career for the good Dr. Sue !
Thanks so much for reading the story Peg, and for your career suggestion. I’ll take it under advisement as long as it’s fun and not work!
A sequel to this short story is an absolute MUST! It takes incredible talent to be able to write an engaging short story with the reader like myself looking forward for more! You’re a natural, Sue! Bravo!!
Thank you very, very much for reading and sharing your opinions Chu! The first thing I need to do is let the positive feedback I’ve been receiving sink in. Then, I’ll get back to writing.
A sequel to this short story is an absolute MUST! It takes incredible talent to be able to write an engaging short story with the reader like myself looking forward for more!
i wonder if living next to us had any influence in this story brought tears to my eyes
Russ, your reaction to my story was so powerful, touching and personal. Your words and emotion took me right back, remembering things that I thought were left far behind. If not for you and Jeanette, there would have been a far different ending. I’ve never met anyone who would sacrifice so much for their children, grandchildren and family. That brings tears of gratitude to my eyes.
i also think i give you the title
Now that you mention it, we did talk about that. I started out with a different title, but this one came to me later. Coincidence…? Maybe not!
This is truly wonderful. A great idea for a novel. You have a gift!
Thank you Sandra! So many people have been asking for “more”. Looks like I’d better start thinking about that.
Really moving, couldn’t stop reading! Great story!
As I mentioned on Facebook, thank you so much for your comments and for your vote Lois.
WOW!
I hope that’s a positive “WOW!” Dave. Although I am hoping for honest constructive criticism. Thanks so much for reading and replying!
Definitely positive. In such a short story, you brought your characters to life and really helped the reader to identify with the heart wrenching reality of the situation. I always feel like I have lost good friends at the end of a book or a movie…the same thing happened with this short story. Well done my friend!
Now it’s my turn to say Wow, and I can’t believe I’m tearing up. I’m sending you a virtual hug . One thing is true, despite time and distance we do remain friends! Thank you, thank you for your very clear and personal reply Dave.
Wow!!! So very powerful. A great read. Write more.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting Vivian! Glad you liked it. After asking for feedback and getting such an incredible response, looks like I will have to keep writing.
A mother’s love is NEVER ending. I really enjoyed this Sue.
Excellent point! A fact that has to be stated in the next chapter. Thanks so much for reading and for the perfect comment Ann!!
I felt sad, angry and hopeful. How terrifying to think you’re aware of everything and you can’t communicate. Just wish he woke up, but great story!
Jen,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. I really appreciated hearing the range of emotions you went through and apologize that Devin didn’t wake up….(yet), since you were hopeful he would. I’m giving some thought to where the story might go from here.
Dr. Moreines, your short story was mesmerizing and I found myself holding my breath as I was reading it. I truly believe you have a best-seller and a very special gift of writing.
Mel, your comments left me speechless! I’ve been astonished by the number of people who took the time to read my story and the feedback they generously shared. I can’t thank you enough for doing the same, and truly appreciate your very kind words.