My Angel

by Sabrina Al-Ghosien

As we laid in the grass, she turned to me and said, “Goodbye.” She kissed my cheek and faded away. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

As soon as I stopped believing in her, she was gone. Why couldn’t they just leave me alone? Angela was more than a hallucination…

I thrust my hands into my jacket pockets as I stepped down the stairs of my apartment building and headed out. I frowned when I noticed the cloudy sky. Images flashed through my mind: The sky was a striking azure, unblemished by clouds, and a beautiful girl laid on the ground next to me. Calling her hair “just black” was hardly fair; it was so much more beautiful than that. Her eyes could only be described as diamond blue. The flawless orbs glittered in the light. Angela. She sighed and glanced at me out of the corner of her eye.

She appeared to have not a single flaw. Such a thing should be impossible, I’ve had to remind myself; no human being could ever be perfect. Yet if you were to ask me to use one term to describe her, the word on my lips every time would be “perfect.”

I could feel the grass between my fingers and the slightly-brisk fall breeze again. Angela sat up and looked over at me. Her eyes were dismayed and more serious than I had ever seen her before. “You know they’re wrong, right?” The words rang through my head. “I’m real. You know that, right?”

I shuddered and quickly pulled myself out of the trance. I turned my thoughts to the sidewalk. The trees. The autumn leaves on the trees. The last-minute Halloween decorations someone was putting up even though it was October 30th. I love this time of year. So did Angie — those trees are beautiful, just gorgeous, really. You know, who actually gets a zombie skeletal Grim Reaper anyway? At least it ends there – tell me that’s not fangs… I stayed safely distracted until I saw a girl in front of me. The girl I was trying to avoid thinking about.

“Angela?” I murmured in shock. I watched as the ghost of Angela morphed into the image of a stranger. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

I got in my car and drove. I was trying to find it again. I thought that if I went there, I might see her again. That spot, that little, hidden, perfect place. It was the last place I had ever seen her. I drove for hours. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten how to get there.

“You’re starting to doubt it, aren’t you? That I’m real?” she asked. I shifted uncomfortably, not daring to look her in the eyes.

“I….” I sighed. “I don’t know, Angie. I just don’t know anymore. I-I used to. I used to know.” I met her gaze. “I used to love you…,” I whispered. The words left my lips and I knew from the way she looked at me that it was a mistake. “No, Angie, I-I-I didn’t mean it like that,” I stuttered.

“Don’t lie! That’s exactly how you meant it!” she snapped bitterly.

“Angie, I…”

“Just shut up. Stop talking… Leave me alone. It’s what the doctors told you to do, right?”

I almost forgot I was driving, I was so lost in my thoughts. It was my biggest failure in my entire life, and I was punished severely for it. I tried to focus, but I lost against the memories. I never could forget them, no matter how much I tried.

“Isaac, you’ve known me for how long? Four years! Are you kidding me? You can’t even — you actually don’t know that I’m—I’m not some hallucination!” she scoffed.

“A-Angie, I’m sorry. I-I’m so sorry,” I floundered. “Please forgive me…,” I begged, tears forming in my eyes. I cried because I knew what she would say. The sharp, frosty glare burning into my soul told me.

A car horn blared. Headlights illuminated the inside of my car, turning it golden.

“No.” And there it was. “No way. It’s too late for that now…,” she growled.

I never wanted to hurt her. I guess this is payback for breaking her heart. Between the man rushing over to me and, I think, talking, and the woman covering her child’s eyes and staring at me, I saw Angie. She seemed different now. The black aura was certainly new. It made her stand out from everyone else. No one else could see her, as usual. She was back, at least, my plan had worked.

“Ange-…” I was surprised to find that my voice was uncooperative. Oh. Of course it would be; there was a lot of blood. It made sense, I supposed. It was getting harder to focus my thoughts, except for on Angie. Everything else was blurry, but her image was perfectly sharp. She was coming to me. I missed you, I tried to say, but my lips wouldn’t move and my vocal cords wouldn’t function.

“I missed you too,” she replied. All other sound was distorted and fuzzy, but her voice was perfectly clear. She had understood me. “It’s time, Isaac. I’m not sorry,” she said. Those diamond blue eyes had become ice. I would’ve sworn that they shone more before.

It’s okay, I thought back. I paused for a moment. I’ve always loved you… I still do.

“I used to love you too… But it seems I had underestimated how big of an effect being the only one to interact with me would have,” she muttered.

I’m glad I got to see you again…

“Me too… It’s time to go now, Isaac.”

All right…

I was glad that she was there. Whenever I was with her, it was like a dream. It had only just occurred to me that she was more like a nightmare, but she was my nightmare. My angel. I just never realized she was the angel of death.9