The 20th March

This story is by Rebecca Jean and was part of our 2024 Spring Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.

Dreams make us human. Our dreams, our desires, our ambitions drive us to become who we are, and yet people often belittle them. If they don’t understand your dreams, if they don’t believe that they’re achievable they go out of their way to dismiss them, by telling you that it’s unlikely to happen, or that you’re young and will change your mind. People had said that throughout Alice’s life. As a teen when she told her guidance counsellor about her goal of going into space, she told her that it wasn’t as easy or as fun as it looks in the movies, and to lower her expectations. When she graduated from university with a degree in biology her aunt wished her luck in her future as a waitress. With her Masters in hand and just about to start an internship at NASA focusing in microbiology, she was reminded that an internship isn’t a job and perhaps it was time to branch out to other career opportunities. But Alice had never wavered, she kept her chin high, her choices firm and ignored them. Until many years later when the letter of her dreams arrived.

Alice and Sam, her fiancé, sat opposite one another both holding envelopes with letters that determined their future, Alice could barely sit still from anticipation. They had met nearly 10 years prior; he was an engineer for NASA while she had become head in for microbiology. It was the perfect kind of romance. As if destined it was around this time that the planet Novv-536C had been discovered. A planet so similar to Earth that a program was set up to adventure to there and make it habitable for a planned expansion, it was finally time for humans to conquer the stars. Once the preparations had been made to make the journey NASA had started trials and interviews to find the best people to join the voyage that would take them over 500 years just one way. Alice and Sam had been together years when they both entered the trials, not only could they build a life together, but they could do that up in the stars. It was all Alice had ever wanted and now she had someone to share that with.

“1. 2. 3.” Sam counted down. Within seconds the torn envelopes fell to the ground and Alice let out a yelp.

“I got in!” She cheered, bounding to her feet.

Sam hesitated before joining her and taking her into his arms. “Congratulations, I’m so proud of you.”

“We may have to move the wedding up, but I’m sure everyone will understand.” Sam’s arms drop from her as he takes a step back.

“When are you going?”

“Me? We’re going on March 20th.” She frowns, confused. “Sam…”

He drops onto the seat with a sigh. “March 20th.” He repeats before taking her hands and staring into her eyes. “I didn’t get in. I’m not going.”

“What? Why?”

“My health didn’t pass inspection, apparently.” He shakes his head.

Alice sits across from him, unable to feel the joy she had moments before. She didn’t know what to say or what to do. It had never crossed her mind that they wouldn’t both be accepted. Maybe it was something they should have considered, she scolded herself, unable to imagine Sam’s disappointment. In this moment all she wanted to do was hold him, to feel his warm body against hers, to smell his cologne, to hear his steady heart against her ear. But she knew she couldn’t, it wouldn’t be fair to him, not now.

Sam suddenly looks at her, his face tight and serious. “We should have known that this could happen, I know I’m not as fit as I was before and hell, we basically guaranteed that you’d get in. They’d be idiots to refuse you. But I’ll hate myself forever if I didn’t say this.” He kneels in front of her, grasping her hands in his. “Please don’t go. Stay with me, live your life with me. What’s between us wasn’t planned, but it’s amazing. We’re getting married, we can start a family and you can carry on your research here. It won’t be as fancy or as epic, but it’ll be happy. I love you.”

Tears pool in her eyes. She hated him then, for not making it easier for her, for not just letting things happen and spending their final days wrapped in each other’s arms. But she understood him as he did her. “If it was you and I hadn’t been picked, would you still go?”

“I wouldn’t, I’d choose you.” Liar. She thought, and they both knew it. “I think you need to think this through, you’re not just leaving me, you’re leaving your dad, your brother, everyone.”

“You’re not being fair.”

“I know and I am truly sorry, but I need you to think it all through before you decide. You don’t need to answer now, and when I come back, I will accept whatever you decide.” He pauses, his tone thick with emotion, a single tear escapes his eyes. “I’m so proud of you and I’m happy you got in, even though I hate that it’s without me.”

He kisses her forehead before leaving their home. The tears finally fall from Alice’s eyes, as the sobs take over.

Alice sat there for hours, clutching her letter. Her tears had dried against her cheeks, and the sobs no longer racked her body. It was as if the world had gone silent, she didn’t hear any cars, or kids playing outside, she couldn’t hear the buzz of the fridge in the kitchen, nor the crinkle of the paper in her hands. Her mind was whirling, and she could only focus on two things, the letter in her hands and the half-written wedding invitations on the table in front of her. That’s what they had been doing before the post came. Just hours ago, they were so excited, and now she was left alone. It was a sick joke. There in bold letters the date they had picked to join their families and celebrate. The 20th March. Alice was beginning to hate that date.

She couldn’t help but imagine that day for what it could be, their wedding day. Sam waiting at the altar, staring at her with tears in his eyes and a smile on his lips, as she came down the aisle, her father leading the way. She’d look away from Sam, unable to keep the tears at bay. She’d speak to her dad, try to make him laugh to help with her nerves. He would cry and tell her how proud of her he was, of how happy he was to be there. They’d mention her mum but would have to stop due to the freshness of their grief. “Today is a happy day.” Dad would say. “She’s up there smiling down on us right now.”

He’d give her away to Sam, and then no one else but Sam would exist to her. She would be aware of the eyes on her but none of them would matter except for his. They’d share their first kiss as husband and wife, spend the rest of the day and night celebrating. Then they’d go on their honeymoon, either France or Italy. It would be a whirlwind experience. Until they got back home. They’d go about their daily work as they already do. Alice would continue to lead her team, and stop looking to the stars, picturing her future. She’d have to accept that the nay-sayers were right and build a new dream, maybe it involved kids, maybe that would be as fulfilling if not more so than travelling through space, and maybe it wouldn’t. Hopefully, she’d move on, be happy, and not hate Sam for making her stay, even though it was her choice. Hopefully, they’d grow old together and stay happy the whole time. Hopefully, her life would have meaning and not feel repetitive like she’s stuck in groundhog day.

There were so many futures she could picture if she stayed, while if she left, she had no idea what would happen after the 21st, but she could see the 20th clearly. She’d have a tearful goodbye with Sam, a last kiss, she’d hug her dad and he would tell her how proud of her he was and again, he’d tell her that her mum was watching. Before she took off into the unknown.

Both futures would break her heart, there was no doubt about that, but she had always known which one she’d pick. So that night when Sam returned with flowers and champagne, he didn’t ask her to stay, he didn’t even ask what her answer was. He held her and he promised to stay with her until her final day. Which he did. Finally, on the 20th after sharing their goodbyes Alice fell into cryosleep, her heart empty of regret and Sam accompanying her dreams.