There’s Only One Way Out

This story is by Lorelei Lamarche and was part of our 2024 Fall Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.

She began scrolling the internet. Lonely. The deadness of her divorce needed to be shaken. It had been six months, yet she wondered if she’d ever feel alive again.

Her sparsely furnished living room was quiet, the boys at their dad’s across town. It was hard to get used to being alone.  The fridge hummed while the laptop warmed her thighs. She followed link after link, avoiding social media which only made her feel worse.

Ah, here was something. Brushing a curl off her face, she sat up on the beige couch leaning more intently into the screen’s video.  A learn to kayak course in the wilderness mountains of Mexico for women, with the final day careening down a 15-foot waterfall!

Travel had always enlivened her. Maybe she needed to test the waters of solo-travelling.  The February dates seemed far enough away to be inconsequential and safe.  Or could it be the wine making her feel bold?  The temptation was compelling enough to hit “buy now.”  She smiled at her impulsiveness; it was cancellable after all.

But in the morning ,she was more determined than ever.

Arriving at the airport, she wondered what she’d done. Two weeks off from her dispatcher job, away from her ten- and twelve-year-olds, leaving her apartment unattended, not to mention she’d only ever paddled twice on a calm lake and had never been in the tropics.

She’d gotten all the shots. Bought a mosquito net and a bright yellow life jacket, hoping to come home safely.

She met her roommate, Margot from England, the others from various states, and their instructors at breakfast in Veracruz. They sat on wicker chairs in humid 26 Celsius while a  fresh breeze blew through the veranda’s screens.  With billowy white curtains against blue and yellow tiles, Kylie felt like she’d stepped back into Hemmingway’s time. The language, music and the way they streamed the coffee from raised copper pots was like Cuba, romantic, just as she imagined.

After a bumpy van ride up to their base, they unpacked in their casitas. Two beds and a little table.  A path wound around the lush grounds connecting their rooms, a sun-heated pool and a cash bar on the honor system.

With no internet, their lead instructor, Helen locked their phones, passports and credit cards away in a safe.

Lying in the dark that first night, as strangers do, Margot and Kylie shared their fears and life stories.

“I don’t know why I came here,” Margo said, “I can’t even swim.  But I had to get a break from caring for my mother.”

“Caring for others can sap the life out of us.  Sometimes we have to get away, and experience something just for ourselves, to see if we’re really still alive.” Kaylie said as she described her family’s break up and fears about facing life as a single.

After a breakfast of fresh papaya and yogurt, they were outfitted with their kayaks, paddles and helmets. On the grass first, they learned the proper technique for righting themselves underwater before entering the swimming pool.  They practiced exiting their kayak and rolling.  Some never got it.  One woman rolled too close to the concrete edge and Kylie called out a panicked warning.

“Kylie! Let it go. She’s fine.” reprimanded Helen.

Letting go wasn’t something Kylie knew how to do. She was used to identifying risks and protecting others.  She liked things to go as planned, not perfectly, but at least without injury or failure. She could handle stress but liked to do things right.

When it was Kylie’s turn to demonstrate her roll, the power of her paddle propelled her fully around twice, splashing and spitting up water, creating laughter amongst the group.  It didn’t help her nerves or her confidence.

The first few days on the river they learned to peel in eddies, read the line, and keep paddling through white water.  Most critically, Helen told them to hug a rock if they got into trouble.

“Has anyone ever died on this trip?” Kylie asked.  Helen glared at her again.

Today they faced their biggest challenge: putting in at the top of class 3-4 rapids. Big boulders were frothing with white water crashing around in conflicting directions.

As always, two instructors went first followed by pairs of students and one instructor taking up the rear.  This was the last run of the day requiring skillful maneuvering followed by an easier run and a portage back to the bus for pick up.

Kylie was second in the final pair, paddling and navigating the water, scouting and bouncing through the boulders in the shoulder-high spray riding the force of the channel.  A strong paddler she quickly caught up to, then bumped and spun Margot’s boat, putting them both off balance.

“Oh NO!” she cried then looked around for safety to wait for Margot to turn back downstream.  Kylie instantly hugged a rock.  But she was on its downside and water rapidly filled her kayak, the weight ripping it off her and the paddle washed away too.   She was swept away in the rushing water backwards head-first and she knew she was in trouble.

What was she thinking coming here? So selfish to put her life at risk with young children at home who still needed their mom.  She had to get out of this. She had to save herself, there was no one else to rely on.  There are no second chances in white water. She had to take control, literally, of her life. Desperately, using her strength she threw her body forward, she quickly rotated onto her back and got her feet and hands up like a dead frog trying not to get caught as she tapped off each rock coming at her like a video game.

The others were up ahead on the shore waving their arms and yelling at her to keep angling towards them.

She worked the course hard, gulping water and banging her knees and elbows. A whirlpool grabbed her body, spinning her and striking her head against a rock as the sky dissolved under the ripples of water and the yelling stopped.

Her paddle and kayak had been pulled to shore by the instructor behind her.  She came to on the river’s edge.  Bloodied and bruised. There was only one way out.  And that was to keep paddling. She had to get back in.

“It’s optional, you don’t have to do the waterfall.” Margot said that night over tacos and Coronas around the pool.

“Maybe I do.  Maybe that’s why I came.”  Kylie thought she’d make up her mind tomorrow after seeing it.

“Fine,” said Margot. “I’ll take pictures.”

Graduation day.  The final test.  Three times Helen perfectly demonstrated how to descend the waterfall and re-surface under the force of spray at the bottom.  It was impressive. Kylie watched, memorizing the exact pattern for success.

The safety net and rescue gear at the bottom would prevent paddlers being swept away even if they had to bail out of their kayaks.  Two white wooden crosses on the path emphasized the importance of getting this right.

On Kylie’s turn, she entered her kayak held steady in the stream by the others, then pushed over the edge, twisting her body into position midway down.  She held her breath and trusting Helen’s instruction, let herself go with the rushing flow of water.  Seconds later, her kayak plunged nose first deep under water, she swung her paddle over the deck with primal force… and popped up into daylight.  It Worked!  She was exuberant!  Her classmates cheered. She smiled and suddenly understood why she needed to do this: Taking this risk had made her feel alive again.  Success gave her confidence.

At the dance party, Helen poured Champagne, and the women took turns celebrating their achievements and toasting their new friends.

“Although I felt like a failure in the water many times over the past week, I learned how to rescue myself and be more independent. Thank you for not letting my fears stop me,” said Kylie, giving Helen a big hug.

Happily driving into civilization early the next morning, Kylie finally had her cellphone back and sent a text message to her kids:

“I’m on my way to the airport and can hardly wait to see you.  And guess what, I kayaked down a waterfall!”

Kylie attached a picture of her plunging down the cascade.

“I really missed you guys and will see you soon! Love mom.”

She was returning home not just with gifts for her boys, but with hope for her future. After all, she’d successfully passed both her course and her first Valentines Day as a divorcee.

Kylie touched her new silver bracelet commemorating the adventure.  Despite feeling selfish for prioritizing herself and guilty over the marriage she’d lost, the turquoise gemstones would forever remind her of what she’d gained: the courage to face her fears and the confidence to trust herself.