Tethered

“It happened so fast”, he mutters, seemingly to himself. If it weren’t for the microphone she’s not sure the jury would hear.

He takes them back through that night—the worst night of her life.

The night she lost her son.

“It was late when we got the call probably around 10 or so, I was staying the night at his house so we could carpool to the game the next day. The basketball team was having a party and this girl I liked was going to be there, and I wanted to go. Matt’s parents and mine, they didn’t want us out late because of the game, but I heard that I might have a chance with her so we snuck out to go to the party.”

She watches as he shudders, taking a sip of the water placed in front of him; Pulling at the tie around his neck. He’s always hated them, even as a small child.

“Matt was on the fence but he knew how much I liked this girl so he said he’d go with me, ’cause we’re best friends,” he stops for a beat and the weight gets even heavier, “Sorry, we were, best friends.”

“We were in the car together, hyped for the party. The team was texting us that she was already here and that she was excited that I was coming but she couldn’t stay out late. We were already late so I sped up. I wasn’t going super fast but I got a text from her saying that she couldn’t wait for me to get there. I had been crushing on this girl all year I was so excited. I didn’t see the bend in the road in time, I tried to steady the car but it was too late, he pauses, catching his breath. “The car smashed into the stop sign and when I woke up he was bleeding. My phone was under the seat and I was screaming his name trying to wake him up but he wouldn’t answer me. A woman out walking her dog came up saying that an ambulance was on the way but I couldn’t answer her, I just kept screaming at Matt to wake up, but he wouldn’t.”

She remembers the night very well, it was the worst night of her life.

When she showed up at the hospital, hair in disarray, a robe, and two different shoes on her feet, her entire world had shattered right before her eyes when she saw Daniel in that hospital bed. He looked crestfallen, and in that very moment she knew, before the doctors came to her, before the officer placed a sturdy hand against her upper back to lead her somewhere quiet, she knew.

The young boy before her, the child she had picked up from school, the endless carpool rides, the late night sleepovers, the boy that she’d come to fondly consider her second son had caused the death of her first one and she would never forgive him.

The trial had gone excruciatingly slow.

Having to hear the recounting of the death of her son and the pictures of the scene had made her physically ill. In her darkest moments, she wished it was Daniel instead, he had done this. Her loving and supportive son had only wanted to be there for his best friend in his time of need and what did that get him? Brains splattered against the dashboard? Neck-bone dislodged inside of his body.

He had been taken from her.

He would never be excited again. He would never get the opportunity to have a girlfriend, to get married, to start a career. His future had been taken away from him in a matter of seconds.

The judge grants the court a short recess before closing statements and she steps out to grab a coffee and some fresh air. Since that night she hadn’t been able to sleep. There’s a weight on her shoulders that she can’t shake. It’s the weight of a life cut short. The weight of all the things that her son will never get the opportunity to do.

As she’s walking back into the court house she sees Danny’s father sitting on the steps. He looks up at the sound of her footsteps approaching and she’s almost stopped in her tracks.

His eyes are red and puffy, the dark circles creating craters in his once handsome face. His cheeks sunken in and gaunt like a starving child. He looks as if he’s given up. He looks like she does.

They don’t share words but she feels it, a tether; a rope bound with grief and brokenness connecting them; though not the same, it will never be the same, she too sees the weight on him, the weight of another life being cut short. Cause she realizes now, she is not the only one affected. Daniel will never be the same, he will have to live with his guilt and his punishment, but his father too may never recover just as she wouldn’t. Another child gone.

The court resumes and before closing statements, Danny’s father stands up pulling out a piece of paper. The paper is creased every which way, as if he’d been folding and unfolding it, trying to find the right words, anything that he can say that may save his son.

He clears his throat, and then he begins:

“My son,” he chokes out, “sorry,” he says before beginning again. He takes a deep breath, “My son Danny is a good kid, a caring kid. A boy who has walked another kid home every day for an entire six months to make sure the kids from school wouldn’t bother him on his way home. That kid lived twenty minutes in the opposite direction. He volunteers in his free time to help clean up the neighborhood and to read to kids in the library on Sunday mornings. He was a pillar of his community. My son Danny, at 16 years old, has lost his best friend, someone who was like a brother to him in a horrendous accident. He will have to live with this for the rest of his life. One moment of recklessness cost him the person who meant the most to him his entire life. My son is a good kid. A good kid who made a life-altering mistake when he picked up his phone behind the wheel while speeding. His entire world is forever changed by this one decision but two lives don’t need to end because of this decision. I am asking the court to grant leniency for him. Having to live with what he’s done is punishment enough. I know my son and he will never be the same. Please don’t end his life too. Please.”

Danny’s father sits back down in the seat crumpling.

The judge waits a beat before she begins speaking. She thanks Danny’s father for his statement, “It is never easy losing a child, whether that’s to the system or in a horrible accident.”

She’s not sure, what compels her to rise from her seat, even with this crushing weight on her shoulders she stands tall. “Your honor, before you give us your verdict, I’d like, I would like to say something.”

She nods, “go ahead.”

“This has been the hardest thing I will ever go through. Even if illness ales me, if I were to lose my job tomorrow and end up on the street with nothing to my name, this will still be the hardest thing that I will ever go through in my entire life. My son has been taken from me. My kind son, my son who is honest. My son who is funny and who is also a pillar of his community is gone and I will spend my days trying to honor him indefinitely. We could all stand to be a little more like Matt. Danny probably knew my son better than anyone, they spent so much time together, it is no surprise to me that he would sneak out to help you,” she says turning to face Danny with a weak and watery smile. My son was many things and he loved you, Danny. He loved you so much, I’m sure he would have forgiven you for anything. Hell, even this, I’m sure.” She takes a deep breath feeling her shoulders rise with a lightness she didn’t think she would ever feel again. “And if I’m going to honor his memory and all that he represented then he would want me to forgive you too. Your father’s right Danny, two lives don’t need to end because of one horrible decision. So I am also asking the court for leniency. I want you to have a second chance at life, Danny. Live a life that you and my son would both be proud of, do it for me, do it for yourself, and do it for Matt.