This story is by Gabor Holch and was part of our 2017 Summer Writing Contest. You can find all the Summer Writing Contest stories here.
The President stormed to the middle of the Oval Office and looked around, tapping the bandage covering the side of his head.
“What the hell happened out there?”
“Mr. President, present in the room are White House Surgeon General Borozo, Special Adviser Guy Chance and myself, Chief of Staff Andrew Lazaar.”
“I can see you, Lazaar.”
“For record keeping, Mr. President. Procedure.”
“To answer your question,” said Chance, “it was an assassination attempt,”
The President withdrew a bloodied hand from the dressing. “Attempt? A turkey shoot! Half of my goddamn ear is missing. Lazaar, any idea what happened?”
“In a way, yes.”
“What a relief! So, who shot me?”
Lazaar cleared his throat. “To explain that, Mr. President, we need to go back a bit.”
“Back where?”
“Early June last year.”
“The Lichtenstein summit? The assassination attempt?”
“Botched assassination attempt,” Chance added.
“Yes, Guy. Mr. President, the two incidents are linked.”
“Linked how? The same perpetrator?”
“In a way, yes.”
“Make sense, Lazaar. [The] Same or not?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Lazaar, you’re out. Borozo?”
“Sir, last year’s attempt to assassinate the US, Russian and Chinese presidents –“
“Botched attempt.”
“Yes, Mr. Chance. Well, that botched attempt belonged to CIA Operation Attila”.
“Attila?”
“As in ‘the Hun’, Sir.”
“No kidding. We escaped by the skin of our ass.”
“Asses, Mr. President.”
“What, Lazaar?”
“Or ‘skins of our asses’ maybe?”
“Skin’s uncountable, Guy.”
“Shut up, Lazaar. Borozo, did the CIA try to kill us?”
“No, Sir. Your escape wasn’t accidental. The CIA had planned it as a botched attempt.”
“Wait a minute. You mean the CIA staged a deliberately failed assassination against four heads of state including me?”
“It makes sense in context, Mr. President.”
“Enlighten me, Lazaar. What sense? And why did they botch it on purpose?”
“Is that even a word?”
“Yes, Guy, a transitive verb.”
“Lazaar, you’re infuriating. Why did they?”
“Mr. President, the narrative was that the assassins, having failed at first, would target their victims individually afterwards.”
“I’m trying to make sense of this, Lazaar, I really am.”
“If I may, Sir. Three CIA operatives were trained to hit and miss. To deflect blame from the US, they prepared a narrative where the enraged terrorists would assassinate the Russian and Chinese presidents within weeks.”
“Incredible. CIA agents murdering foreign leaders?”
“Not the same agents, Sir. A second wave of CIA-trained foreign hitmen were to neutralise the first, then target the heads of state.”
“Killing them all?”
“Yes, Sir. Hence ‘Attila’. He used this technique to silence accomplices.”
“Classic James Bond stuff,” Chance remarked.
“Seriously, Guy? So why are the Russian and Chinese presidents alive? Why is your Attila shooting me?”
“Jobs like this have a lot of moving parts. This time, there was some miscommunication between the teams.”
“What miscommunication, Guy?”
“Crazy story. Simply put, the second wave wasn’t informed of the – botch?”
“Attempted botch.”
“Stop interrupting, Lazaar. Explanation?”
“If I may Sir. The second wave believed assassination to be the genuine objective. It happens. After they’d neutralised the first wave, they deployed.”
“Meaning what, Borozo?”
“Proceeded with the assassination.”
The President pressed a bloody palm across his mouth. “Is that how Lichtenstein’s president died?”
“’Fraid so, Sir. Collateral damage. Truly shocking.”
“Wait a minute. Why are the Russian and Chinese presidents alive?”
“Well, Sir, the Russians take care of themselves,” said Borozo.
“Only a bit too well, don’t they?”
“Is this funny, Guy?”
“Sorry. Long story short, one of the second wave might have been their guy.”
“What? How about the Chinese? Borozo?”
“Unfortunately, Sir, it seems that the Chinese had moles in both waves. Their president was never in real danger.”
“What a crap sandwich! Lazaar, did you know that the maniacs who tried to kill me were CIA?”
“Technically, Mr. President, they are trying.”
“Slowly now, Lazaar. What do you mean they are trying?”
“Well, Mr. President, the second wave is unaware that the assassination should have been botched.”
“And with Lichtenstein’s president dead and the other two untouchable, you’re the only remaining target, Sir.”
“Like you said, these maniacs won’t stop.”
“What are you all telling me? That I might be shot again?”
“Quite likely, Sir.”
“Technically, Mr. President, you will be shot again. It’s just a question of time.”
“Okay, wait. Calm down. Let’s not panic. Breathe. Surely the CIA planned a way to stop this. Emergency break, right?”
“Surely, Mr. President,” said Lazaar. “A code word. That is standard operating procedure.”
“Eureka. Let’s say it. Pull it. Let’s break.”
“But this case is a bit crazy. The agent who had the code word was in the first wave.”
“What?”
“Killed by the Russians. Ugly story, actually.”
“What are you saying, Guy? That the emergency break’s gone?”
“In so many words, yes.”
“Wait a minute. Hold on! You bastards knew this and didn’t do anything?”
“Language, Sir. We have a protocol.”
“Shut up, Lazaar. You knew my life was in danger and sent me out there anyway. Why didn’t you blow the whistle? Leak it? Whatever?”
“Sir,” said Borozo, “interfering with such situations, not to mention leaks, might cast a long shadow on your administration.”
“You mean on you?”
“In a way, yes.”
“And killing me wouldn’t? Tell me you bastards didn’t wish me dead.”
“Language, Mr. President. Protocol.”
“Screw protocol! Did you bastards conspire to kill me or not?”
“Conspiracy theories from the President? Seriously?”
“Damnation, Guy, this isn’t a theory. You sent me into the line of fire.”
“With all due respect, Sir,” said Borozo, “our boys risk their lives every day.”
“And girls, General, remember to mention the girls. We have a protocol.”
“Eisenhower was ready to die for his country.”
“Before he became President, Guy.”
“That’s a technicality.”
“This is madness! Are you murdering me? Am I going to die?”
“We all are, Sir. But not today. Today, we shall do our duty.”
“Well said, Lazaar. That’s the spirit.”
“Agreed, Borozo. Don’t worry, Mr. President – you’ll be ready for action by the fourth of July.”
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