Operation Cupid

Rock Martin is a geologist from Indiana, Pennsylvania who explores the human spirit through his writing. A Penn State graduate, he depicts life’s challenges where the main struggle lies within. Rock enjoys fitness, camping, and hiking with his wife and young son, finding inspiration in nature and resilience.

My grip tightened around the edges of my algebra textbook, my knee jumping up and down as my fingers brushed the wrinkled corner of the envelope peeking out between the pages. Toby burst through the doorway and my heart jumped against my chest as he made his way over with his typical strut.

“Chris, what’s happening, bro?” he casually asked, but I caught the shift of his gaze to my desk.

“Not much,” I offered with a noncommittal shrug.

Toby studied me for a moment as he settled into his seat. “You didn’t do it yet.”

Of course he knew. How would a best friend not know? But that letter I wrote for her was a masterpiece, an unvarnished glimpse into my soul. It chronicled the burning flame of my affection, how it pulsed and lived within me, and how its heavy coils had wrapped around me, becoming part of me. It had been written and rewritten and thrown in the trash more times than I could count. But it was done, finished, completed, and I still held tight to it.

The door opened again; my heart stuttered and for a moment I forgot to breathe.

It was her.

Kelsey.

The curls in her sandy blonde hair danced around her face with each step. She glanced in my direction, her deep blue eyes locking with mine, just for a second. The corners of her lips lifted into a smile, revealing the small dimples that punctuated her cheeks. A warmth spread through me, from the pit of my stomach to my fingertips, as she twirled gracefully into her seat.

She looked at me.

She smiled at me.

But then the laughter of my classmates echoed through memories of tripping into the wrong person, inevitably saying the wrong thing, awkwardly laughing at the wrong moment, and messing things up. Those memories usually ended in a locker, sometimes a trash can.

She was my balm, and her presence made it all worth it.

“I’ve got some news for you, bro. Word is Chad’s making a move on Kelsey at the Valentine’s Day dance.”

My head snapped around. “When—”

“Tomorrow night, genius.”

Desperation broke out across the back of my neck, and my hands were suddenly clammy.

Chad was popular, athletic, good looking. He was everything I wasn’t.

Toby stared at me. “Dude, you’ve got two days.”

“What am I gonna do?”

“We need a plan.”

My eyes grew wide. “What do you mean, we?”

“Dude. I’m great with girls!” he said, way too loudly.

“Uh…  Toby, what girls?”

“Oh, grasshopper, you have a lot to learn.”

“Ugh. Why do I have to be me? Why can’t I talk to her?”

“Relax. You need to stand out. You need her to notice you.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I need to stand out.” My eyes shot back to Toby. “How do I do that?”

“Forget that letter.”

“But—”

“Listen to me, I know. Once she sees how cool you are, you’ll be fine.”

“How cool?”

“Yeah man, cool. Girls like the cool guys. You need a makeover.” Toby walked out of the room, and only a moment later, he was back in his seat.

“Now this stuff drives girls wild. Don’t tell anyone about it, though.”

My pulse quickened. “OK.”

He placed a worn bottle of green cologne on the desk, only a few block letters remaining on the scratched off label.

“This crap is only legal in a couple states, and this isn’t one of them.”

My eyes rolled. “Then how did you get it? And why are you whispering?”

“Never mind. Do you want to get the girl?”

“Fine. What do I do?”

“I would use, like, seven or eight sprays. Put it all over your neck, your chest. And a little on your pants.”

“What?!”

“OK, forget about the pants. Just go put it on.”

Toby’s excitement had my heart beating with anticipation. I had first period with Kelsey; she sat a few seats in front of me, and class was about to start.

I raced to the bathroom and tried to squirt the pungent liquid on my neck. The piston wouldn’t move. I tried harder. Nothing. In a panic, I screwed the cap off and splashed what was left of the bottle onto the front of my neck.

My vision blurred as an intense burning sensation overwhelmed my senses, the noxious odor filling the bathroom. I stumbled toward the door, my lungs heaving for the clean air of the hallway. The first period bell rang and, in the most composed walk I could muster, I made my way to my desk and slumped into the seat.

The reaction began in the back of the room. One victim after another, their faces bent and wrinkled. Some chose a quick escape, while others tried to fight the stench. Their efforts would prove futile. The room emptied, leaving me alone in the fallout zone as coughs and gags echoed through the halls. My only saving grace was that the elixir was so effective that everyone was gone before they questioned where it came from.

I managed to make it to the locker room, where a gym bag with extra clothes waited, just as the emergency lockdown notice came over the speaker system.

I found Toby waiting outside at the emergency response gathering point.

“Dude! Like twenty students left in an ambulance.” He stopped and stared at me. “Bro, why’s your hair wet?”

“Toby!”

He looked around and then leaned in. “OK,” he said excitedly. “I’ve got a better idea, anyway.”

I shuddered. “What now? The day’s half over already.”

“You need to assert your dominance. Girls love alpha males.”

“Dominance?”

“It’s a nature thing. Females want someone who’ll keep them safe. You know, like the lions.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“We’ve got gym class coming up, and she’ll be there. I think we’re playing dodgeball.”

My face turned a deep red. “Don’t!”

“Dude. You’re gonna blast Chad with the ball right in front of her!”

My arms wrapped around my head. “No! This is not … I’ll get killed.”

“It’ll work. He’s a bully; he’ll back off once you hit him. Besides, there’ll be teachers around. Just think, you’ll be king.”

Hard as I tried, I couldn’t suppress a grin. Maybe he was right.

Soon the hazmat crew gave the all-clear, and we returned to our schedule.

Dodgeball. If there ever was a setting that separated the Junior High haves from the have-nots, it was dodgeball. I’d never mustered the courage to break out of my typical role as meat quail, but today I would rise, like a great phoenix, and trade blows with the elite.

I thought it prudent to properly warm up before attempting such an astounding feat of raw athleticism. After maneuvering myself through the crowd so I was clearly in Kelsey’s view, I performed a few toe touches and bicycle crunches. The vibe was out; I meant business.

Soon, the gym came alive with screeching sneakers, each player falling into their usual pecking order. After the ritual humiliation of the first few hapless victims, I dug in, taking a low stance like an all-star third baseman patrolling the hot corner.

I shuffled from side to side, narrowly avoiding elimination, and soon my opportunity presented itself. The ball ricocheted off one of my fellow losers and rolled to me. I scooped it up and lunged into position. Chad stood squarely in front of me, his back turned. Memories played in my mind, images of all the times I’d been used as target practice, of all the laughter that cascaded through the gym, directed at me, whenever I was inevitably found wanting. It was time to turn the tables. My rage erupted, and with a loud shriek, I launched the ball. The red projectile cruised through the air, making a perfect arc and colliding with Chad’s shoulder. The thud echoed through the gym, out the doors, and around the world.

Yes! Chad was out! I quickly turned to find Kelsey. I scanned the baseline, then the bleachers. Just then, Kelsey emerged from the bathroom.

Standing motionless, stomach dipping southward, I knew my fate and waited for the kill shot. In a red blur, a sudden numbness spread across the left side of my face. I woke up on the gym floor, the familiar whispers and chuckles making my heart feel heavy and twisted in my chest.

Later that evening, Toby dropped his next scheme on me.

“Bro, I think what you need is mystery. Girls love mystery. Show that you’re a riddle; she’ll love that.”

My nose wrinkled. “Riddle?”

“Yes! A magic trick. Or, I mean, a card trick. It’ll look like magic. It’s this trick I know. You shuffle the deck a certain way, have her pick a card and put it back in, then you pick out the same card.”

“You know how to do that?”

He nodded and watched me, waiting.

“OK, show me.” I sighed.

Toby went through his card trick, and by the next morning, I had it down perfectly. I strolled through the school doors, a purpose in my step and, wasting no time, I marched straight to Kelsey’s locker.

“Kelsey,” I said in a strong, confident tone.

“Chris, hey. Good morning. What’s up?” Her words fluttered effortlessly through the air, hanging for a moment around my neck before dancing down my back.

“Can I show you a card trick?”

Her face lit up. “You know a card trick? Cool! Show me.”

I pulled the deck from my pocket and shuffled it a few times, making sure to shoot a few quick glances in her direction.

“OK, pick a card.”

Her hand extended and her soft fingers glided along the side of the deck, gently rubbing my hand for the briefest of moments before drawing a card.

She glanced at the card, looked at me with a wide smile, then put the card back in the deck. Heat radiated down my arms to my fingertips.

I could feel it; this was it.

I executed the secret shuffling technique and clasped my hands around the deck.

“Now I will find your card.” My eyebrows shot up and down.

For dramatic effect, I decided to lick my finger before I pulled the card. Just then, Kelsey’s face shifted as something large slammed into the deck, sending the cards flying from my hands in all directions. The world spun around me as I fell to my knees.

“Chad! Leave him alone,” Kelsey pleaded as Chad walked away, laughing.

She gathered a few cards that landed near her feet.

“I’m sorry. He’s an idiot. I’d love to see the trick again some other time.” She walked away, disappearing into her classroom.

This was never going to work. This was who I was, and nothing was going to change.

The day rolled by as I wallowed, resigned to watch as Chad and Kelsey inevitably sparked a Shakespearean romance.

As the final bell rang, dismissing students for the weekend, I met Toby near the locker. He tried his best to console me.

“Hey, you gave it your all.”

My fingers curled into tight fists, and I trembled. “Toby, you—”

I stopped.

There she was.

Shuffling some books into her backpack.

Alone.

A wave of fear hit me, the anticipation of impending doom, all of my past failures laid out in front of me.

Toby sighed.

“Look, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t think anyone else does either. All those guys that you think are more popular than you or are more liked than you, it’s all a show. They’re just as scared as you. No one knows what they’re doing.”

“So, you’re telling me to….”

“Just be yourself, man. You don’t need anything more than that.” He patted my back in support, then sighed again. “Give her the letter.”

I nodded and smiled at him, suddenly feeling lighter. Toby had finally pulled a gem from his dumpster of ideas. No more masks. This would be all me.

Taking a deep breath, my gaze shifted to Kelsey, and I readied myself for the final battle. I drew the letter from my book and made my approach.

“Kelsey.”

“Chris.” Her voice was as sweet as ever. “Are you ready for the weekend?”

I paused for a beat and collected all the broken pieces of my courage.

“I wrote this for you.” My hand extended, the slightest of trembles causing the end of the envelope to gently flap.

“Well, thank you. I’ll read it when I get home.”

I nodded. Lost in the buildup to this moment, I hadn’t considered what the hell I would say after I gave it to her.

“Will I see you at the dance tonight?” she asked after an awkward pause.

“Yes. I mean, yeah. Definitely. See you then.”

I spun around to find Toby staring with the same disbelief I felt. He held fast until Kelsey was gone, then unleashed an expletive-laden barrage of fist pumps and high fives. We made our plans to meet later that night at the dance and went about our separate ways.

 

***

 

I arrived at the school a few minutes after the dance began, wondering what awaited me inside.

The dancing mob quickly lost my interest, and I turned to find a seat in the bleachers. Before I could get there, I felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Chris.” The words danced across my shoulders and tickled my ears.

I turned.

“Kelsey, how’s it goin’?”

“Want to dance?”

Without my permission, my head nodded. Kelsey led me by the hand to a corner of the dance floor, a slow beat pulsing through the gym. Careful not to cross any lines, my arms shot to full extension, my hands resting at her sides as I felt her soft touch on my shoulders. She met my gaze, and her lips curled to a smile.

My racing mind threatened to break the rhythm as I led us in a circular slow dance. I’d dreamt of this moment for months, but now all I could do was stare. Kelsey didn’t seem to mind, because her elbows bent, pulling me a little closer. I didn’t resist, and soon her arms began to wrap around me. Her head rested gently in the crook of my neck, like it was made to be there. As her warmth rushed through me, I heard the whisper climbing to my ear.

“I read your letter. You’re a great writer.”

My eyes widened in shock. “Thanks. I tried…  I mean, it—”

“I liked it.”

Her head lifted, and she gently planted a light kiss on my cheek, sending tingles resonating through every inch of my body. From the corner of my eye, I could see Toby in the shadows, pumping his fists.

We did it.

At long last, it was good to be me.