FREEDO BREAK

This story is by Nyarai and was part of our 2024 Fall Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.

Imagine a pitch-dark star-bejewelled African night sky. In the front garden of one of the houses in an African Township, stands a tall skinny girl clad in a long white night dress. Why is she standing there?

The girl is Faith. She is twelve years old and she is there because her beloved kitten, Ginger refuses to use the box-full of sand in her bedroom “to do her business” in during the night.

Instead, Ginger would scratch the bedroom door and meow until Faith woke up, took her to the front garden, waited for her and then go back to the bedroom together.

Faith was like Ginger, in spirit and by nature.  She refused to be tamed by so many rules – rules because she was a girl, rules because she was an Indigenous African and rules because she was Roman Catholic

. I know this because Faith was my bestie, classmate and neighbour.

She had five elder brothers. She was the only daughter and a joy to the family.  She was a happy, intelligent little girl who loved school, music, dancing and cooking. She went to church every Sunday with her mother.

However, as Faith became a teenager, everything changed. Her wild spirit was beginning to rise within her at the same time as all her movements were monitored and regulated by her parents and siblings.

Her dad, a veteran of WWII was suffering from what we now know as PTSD. Like some WWII veterans, he found solace in alcohol and left his wife Maggie to discipline the children.

Maggie was stunningly beautiful. Tall, slender, light skinned with a thick Afro and a dazzling smile. She had grown up in a Roman Catholic -run village, educated by German and English nuns and married at fifteen.

Maggie was a snob who thought she was always right, the most beautiful and the most intelligent woman on the street we grew up.

However, although her children were obedient, they never seemed happy.

Faith informed me that her mom expected all six children to think as she thinks and to do as she does otherwise, they would be whipped with an elephant’s tail that was kept for that purpose.

One cultural norm is that children don’t chat back to adults.  Faith always back-chatted in her head.  “But I am not you though”.  Maggie’s control increased as Faith blossomed into a lovely young woman.

As I’ve said before Faith loved music and dancing. Every weekend, local bands played for teenagers in a nearby local Community Centre.

Faith was not allowed to go because Maggie said Teen-Time was “Sodom and Gomorrah”.  Every Saturday, Faith went dancing and her mother would whip her upon her return.

Neighbours got used to the fact that they would be awakened by Faith’s loud screams early on Sunday mornings.

Faith told Maggie that she refused to live her life according to what was in her head. Faith argued that her mother had never attended teen time and therefore could not say what it was like.

This was the declaration of war between mother and daughter. There were many battles fought. Some Faith lost but some she won.

One time, her mom shaved her head as punishment. Her beautiful Afro, gone.  Faith, at fourteen was so embarrassed and humiliated because everyone at school laughed at her.

Maggie was extremely clean and organised. Everything had its place. She was a good gardener. The front garden was full of all kinds of flowers. The back garden was for growing vegetables.

Every year, the Council had a garden competition. Maggie won this competition many times. She was also a fantastic cook. I would go visit Faith, just I could taste her mom’s cooking.

Maggie taught her many life skills including saving money and budgeting. This made Faith confident and independent. And for this she was grateful to her mom

When she asked her parents why her big brothers did no housework, her mom told her that she needed to be trained to be a good wife.

Faith declared that she did not want to be married and therefore did not need the training. However, the only chore she stopped doing was washing her brothers’ rough khaki uniforms by hand.

After secondary school, Faith got a job and planned to move out into a flat in the centre of town- a ten-minute drive from her home.  When she was ready to move, her mom also packed her clothes and decided to move in with her.

Maggie said the only reason Faith was moving out was because she wanted to have sex with men. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Faith did not move into her flat.

Instead, she applied for a passport and a scholarship to study in the USA without her parents’ knowledge. Faith had attained great O level results. So, she was successful

. When it was her time of departure, we took a taxi to the airport. On the way there, she sang “Leaving on A Jet Plane”. She was so happy. She said she felt free.

I knew that her mom would interrogate me when she failed to come home. I told Maggie the truth. She was distraught. She wept and during the following months, Maggie became a shell of her former self.

The township was ablaze with news of how Maggie lost her only daughter due to her controlling ways.

The shame and embarrassment Maggie experienced made her question her controlling ways and parenting style for the first time in her life. Faith had outplayed her.

Faith sent postcards from time to time but did not share her address. She phoned me but never phoned her parents and siblings.  She needed space to get to know her own thoughts, philosophy of life and values.

Her mom had taught her life skills, so she was okay. Faith did not come home for a full five years. When she did, she did not tell anyone, she just showed up.

The prodigal daughter returned and the whole street were invited to her welcome party thrown by her parents.

At some point during her two-week visit, elders gathered to understand why she left without telling her friends and family. Faith told the story of finding a flat in town and what her mom did.

Maggie apologised in front of everyone, all those neighbours who she had looked down upon.

Faith forgave her mother and was willing to rebuild her relationship with her mother based on mutual respect and the acceptance that Faith was a separate being to her mum.

Faith returned to her new life in America. This time, we all went to the airport to see her off.  At the airport, she gave me and her mom a parting gift- a record by an all-female, African Accapella group based in the US, called Sweet Honey in The Rock.

It was a reminder of our philosophy of raising children. The lyrics are as follows:

“Your children are not your children; they are the sons and daughters of life longing for it own.

They come through you but they are not from you and though they are with you, they belong, not to you.

You can give them your love but not your thoughts.  They have their own thoughts.

You can house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You can strive to be like them, but you cannot make them just like you”

Faith kept in touch and came home every two years.  She invited her parents to her graduation ceremony and they stayed there for a month.

In time, she fell in love and got married. Her dad passed away during this time from Liver Failure.

Faith was seven months pregnant and could not come for the funeral. As soon as her child was born, Faith came home with her husband and baby.

The husband had to get back to work but Faith stayed with her mom for six months.

The baby’s name means:” God-sent to console us” They shared their grief and their joy as two grown women. Supporting each other.

As the years passed, Faith sent her children home for a whole year so they could learn their mother tongue and immerse themselves in African culture and see the beauty of Africa and African people.

Maggie was the proud grandmother who had got reason to get up every morning and attend to her grandchildren.  Her mother had learned from her mistake and understood how Faith wanted her children to be parented – let them express their individuality.

It was not just a lesson for Maggie, but for all of us to remember that our children are not our property.  Faith’s nieces and nephews also benefitted from Maggie having a second chance with Faith. She was a better grandma to them than she had been a mom.