Ch33tGPT

This story is by Paul S.M.L. and was part of our 2023 Fall Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.

Paul S.M.L. is the greatest writer you’ve never heard of until now.

He is the living legend who won the Grand Prize for the Fall 2023 Write Practice Contest with this story you’re reading right here that is one hundred percent God’s honest truth. He is the prolific writer who wrote not just one story, but two brand spanking new stories while other writers struggled to recycle their old stories that were collecting dust in their hard drives. He discarded his first story because he thought it was trash. He was so sure that he could come up with something much better. No biggie.

Writers still rue the day they entered this contest with the likes of the prodigious Paul S.M.L. whose name they will never forget. You need to learn a little bit about him if you want to understand what made him such a genius.

Paul is just your average Joe who is a single, broke, unemployed, 46-year-old who lives with his 72-year-old mother in her tiny, trailer home in southern California. On that fateful Tuesday night on November 7, Paul signed up for the contest right away after he saw there was a $300 prize.

“That’s it! I’ve got to win this so I can pay for Mama’s life-saving operation,” he said to himself.

Paul knew that he could win this contest because he had an ace up his sleeve. He was dirt poor, but he was filthy rich in imagination. In that wild and wacky mind of his lives the sexbot named Ch33tGPT who looks like Christie Brinkley, but way hotter. Ch33t stands for Christie and GPT, as any cunnilingus aficionado knows, stands for good pussy’s tasty. She was his writing muse who endowed him with endless ideas.

After getting his daily, imaginary backrub with a happy ending, Paul said, “Ch33tGPT. Tell me a short story less than fifteen hundred words about a single, broke, unemployed, 46-year-old writer named Paul S.M.L. who lives with his 72-year-old mother in her tiny, trailer home in southern California, and wins the Grand Prize for the Fall 2023 Write Practice Contest made by his imaginary sexbot called Ch33tGPT who looks like Christie Brinkley.” She started telling this very same story that you’re enjoying right now.

The judges were tickled pink by Paul’s story. They agreed it was the funniest contest entry of all time. It was the clear winner deserving the Grand Prize. Nothing before it or ever since has been as funny. They laughed out loud as they read their favorite lines to each other in the judges’ room. All that was left to do was to select the other finalists.

There was, however, one incisive judge named Sarah Gribble who started to wonder how Paul could create such a comedic masterpiece in such a short time. She said, “Hey guys, have you wondered if Paul actually used ChatGPT to write this story? It’s called cheat gpt after all. It seems too good to be true. It’s also the second story he submitted because his first one, The Bluddbuuk, was awful.”

Joe Bunting, the dapper and debonair founder of The Write Practice, types the prompt into ChatGPT: tell me a short story less than 1500 words about… ChatGPT produced the story you’re reading almost word for word.

Joe said, “You’re right. No one could be this good and write this fast. I’ll take care of this.” He fired off an email for Paul right away. The judges went back to picking a new Grand Prize winner.

Hey Paul,

Your story was hilarious, but we know you cheated by using ChatGPT. You’ve been disqualified from the contest and have been banned from The Write Practice. FOREVER.

Thank you for joining the contest.

Happy writing,
Joe

Paul had a fit when he saw the email. ChatGPT? What’s that? Never heard of it. They must have made a mistake. Ch33tGPT is the name of my sexy imaginary robot. What in the world is going on here? It’s all some kind of freak coincidence!

He did some digging on the internet, signed up for this newfangled website called OpenAI, and tried out ChatGPT for free. He typed in his prompt and couldn’t believe his eyes. His story came out almost word for word in just a few seconds.

He did some more digging. He laughed while watching videos of parents using ChatGPT to tell fun bedtime stories to their kids. He got a bit choked up when reading samples of people using ChatGPT for best man speeches and eulogies for their loved ones. He was in awe with people who were using ChatGPT to publish bestselling novels and non-fiction books.

Paul sat quiet for a while in disbelief with everything he discovered. It was Game Over.

With all that internet research, he almost forgot to tell his mother that he didn’t win the contest. Paul was an honest man, but he didn’t have the heart to tell his mother about the ChatGPT calamity. He went to his dying mother’s room, sat by her bedside, and said, “Mama. I cannot tell a lie. I lost the contest.”

Paul’s mother looked him in the eyes and touched his face. “My sweet, sweet, baby boy. Give it up. You’ll never be the Mark Twain of your generation. My time in this vale of tears is almost done so I don’t give a damn if you lost or won. The money would’ve been nice. It might’ve saved my life, but it’s all in God’s hands now. I’m ready to be with your daddy again. Go get that job at Wal-Mart.” With those last words, she gave up the ghost while being disappointed in her son one last time.

Paul held back his tears, clenched his jaw, shook his fist at the heavens, and yelled, “ChatGPT!”

After the funeral, Paul got that job at Wal-Mart and never put pen to paper again. He said goodbye to his beloved muse Ch33tGPT and stopped using his imagination for good. It was total and unconditional surrender. There’s no place anymore for writers and their imaginations in a world ruled by ChatGPT.

Now dear reader, you might be thinking this story pulled a fast one on you. Paul didn’t win the Grand Prize like the story claims in the beginning. Well, it’s not exactly a lie. You see, in his heart, Paul feels victorious because the true Grand Prize was realizing that a crude, cocky bastard like him doesn’t belong with a bunch of goody-goody, humble, dedicated, brilliant, talented writers in The Write Practice Community.

It doesn’t matter to him that he got banned forever and lost the contest. It doesn’t matter that ChatGPT took over the world. It doesn’t even matter that he couldn’t save his sick mother with the $300 she needed for her life-saving operation. All that matters to Paul is that he has always been and will always be a legend in his own mind. While he continues to delude himself, Paul isn’t fooling anybody else.

He’s just a has-been who can’t write a story to save his mother’s life.