This story is by Crystal Johnson and was part of our 2018 Fall Writing Contest. You can find all the writing contest stories here.
Hi. I’m Gina.
I’ve been living with Dissociative Identity Disorder or “multiple personalities,” since I was twelve years old. I’m not sure if I was born with it or developed, but I remember my mother would beat me during her drunken and doped up rages, and school was no different. I was getting jumped everyday because of my mother’s reputation as an addict. No place was safe for me, or kept me from harm. I have no other family to stay with. I never knew my father, he skipped out on my mom the moment she told him she was pregnant with me. Since he left, she was never the same. Drugs and alcohol became her crutch for the last few years and it’s been getting worse now.
The verbal abuse hurt more than the physical. It seemed like nothing I ever did was enough.
“You’ll never amount to anything.”
That’s what my mother would say to me all the time. When I went go to school, the kids would gather around to taunt me about my mom being a drunk and drug addicted prostitute, then dump food on top of my head.
“You’re nothing but a crack baby. Your mama is a junkie and a prostitute. The only talent she has is laying on her back.”
Because of my mother’s addiction the school didn’t even bother calling her whenever things happened to me. They kept extra clothes for me to change into or just sent me home from school.
When my mother came home she wasn’t alone. She brought home a man who paid for her drugs and alcohol and in return she would let him have his way with her. He saw me peeking behind the door then asked to add me in the equation.
“Who is that? How about a threesome?” he asked.
Never in a million years would my mom protect me from a sexual predator like that. I figured she’d protect her handler before she’d protect me and I’m her daughter. Maybe there’s some hope for her after all.
“What the hell you just say? That’s my twelve-year-old daughter you perv. GET OUT!”
He grabbed my mother so fast she would have whiplash. My mom struggled and scuffled to break free but his grip was like a boa constrictor, the more she fought the tighter he squeezed all the while trying to pull her pants down to finish what he started.
“You owe me a debt and I’m not leaving here until it’s paid.”
I ran back to my room and locked my door to block out the noise. I could hear her scream from him penetrating her hard. My brain went totally blank. I didn’t feel like “me” anymore. The timid and scared little girl was gone, now a new presence took over, a savior to protect a fragile little girl. Calm and collected she introduced herself as “Rocky,” and told me everything would be okay, because in that second she went to my mother’s room and grabbed her gun then ran back to the living room.
“Hey, leave my mother alone!”
Shoving her aside he lunged at me but I shot him before he could reach me. My mother was so shaken up she ran to the bathroom to unload all the content from her stomach in the toilet.
“So you’re a badass now?”
Stumbling to get up from the floor, she went back to the living room to go drink again. I could see a horde of demons consuming all her emotions, eating away at the core of her heart.
“I know you heard me!”
She tried to hit me but I caught her hand before it made contact. The look on her face was cold and stoic like she didn’t care what she did to Gina and how it fractured her deeply.
“The daughter you knew is gone,” said Rocky.
Completely drunk to a stupor and dumbfounded she didn’t know how to take this situation.
“Who are you exactly?”
Looking at me up and down like I’m an alien from another planet.
“I’m the one protecting her.”
“How dare you talk to me all crazy?”
Right at that moment rage hit me like it never had before, this woman has the galls to blame Gina for her bad outcomes.
“How dare me? No! How dare you? If it wasn’t for you and the predicament you’re in I wouldn’t be here blocking all the pain and nightmares you put on her.”
“I’m her mother, I’m the one who protected her from these streets.”
“Really! If you really protected her, then why are you constantly verbally and physically beating her the way you do?”
Before any more words were exchanged I felt Gina trying to resurface, but I pushed her back to her happy place. I’m making sure she’ll never be fractured again. My poor little Gina, her light continues to dim every time her mother strikes her; the faith she has in people is dwindling to where she doesn’t smile anymore.
Her mother drunk to a stupor barely could stand, just rambling on some nonsense.
“What are you looking at?” slurring her words.
“I’m not really sure what I’m looking at.”
Her mother started to feel some remorse as she took a swig of her drink.
“It doesn’t feel good being on the other end of that?”
“You think I wanted my life to end up like this? You think I enjoy this? I don’t!” she yelled out.
Tears started to stream down my mother’s face, like all the pain and misery just revealed how much of a monster she really is. Realizing that she loves Gina, she took all the liquor and poured it down the drain.
“Oh my God, I am a monster,” she cried looking at her refection on one of the bottles.
Screaming at the top of her lungs, she threw the bottle against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor. Rocking back and forth with the reality slapping her in the face that she’s the reason for Gina’s fragile condition.
Reflecting on the past events my mother couldn’t face Gina so she left a letter. The letter was her life story, the blood, sweat and tears of survival I never knew was possible.
Gina,
I think you’re old enough for me to tell you about my life. Be warned it’s not pretty and I know you’ll never look at me the same. I grew up on a farm with both my parents and grandparents who helped with the farm chores. I was a happy child until I went to high school, got hooked up with the wrong crowd; started getting into trouble. My parents kicked me out the house at sixteen, been bouncing from place to place looking for a job to make some money, I met a guy I thought I fell in love with. He would help with my necessities, but I got more than what I bargained for. I was prostituted out; he introduced me to the drugs and alcohol. It helped numb the pain and humiliation. When I got pregnant with you I was scared and happy at the same time. Thinking he’ll be happy too, he left a vapor trail as soon as I told him and I haven’t seen him since. I am so sorry for not loving you the way a child needs to be loved. Enclosed are a bus ticket and the address to my parents’ farm. I want you to go stay there until I get on my feet. I love you Sweet pea.
P.S.
Tell Rocky I said thank you.
Love always
Mom
Hi. I’m Gina.
I’ve been living with Dissociative Identity Disorder or “multiple personalities,” since I was twelve years old. I’m not sure if I was born with it or developed, but I remember my mother would beat me during her drunken and doped up rages, and school was no different. I was getting jumped everyday because of my mother’s reputation as an addict. No place was safe for me, or kept me from harm. I have no other family to stay with. I never knew my father, he skipped out on my mom the moment she told him she was pregnant with me. Since he left, she was never the same. Drugs and alcohol became her crutch for the last few years and it’s been getting worse now.
The verbal abuse hurt more than the physical. It seemed like nothing I ever did was enough.
“You’ll never amount to anything.”
That’s what my mother would say to me all the time. When I went go to school, the kids would gather around to taunt me about my mom being a drunk and drug addicted prostitute, then dump food on top of my head.
“You’re nothing but a crack baby. Your mama is a junkie and a prostitute. The only talent she has is laying on her back.”
Because of my mother’s addiction the school didn’t even bother calling her whenever things happened to me. They kept extra clothes for me to change into or just sent me home from school.
When my mother came home she wasn’t alone. She brought home a man who paid for her drugs and alcohol and in return she would let him have his way with her. He saw me peeking behind the door then asked to add me in the equation.
“Who is that? How about a threesome?” he asked.
Never in a million years would my mom protect me from a sexual predator like that. I figured she’d protect her handler before she’d protect me and I’m her daughter. Maybe there’s some hope for her after all.
“What the hell you just say? That’s my twelve-year-old daughter you perv. GET OUT!”
He grabbed my mother so fast she would have whiplash. My mom struggled and scuffled to break free but his grip was like a boa constrictor, the more she fought the tighter he squeezed all the while trying to pull her pants down to finish what he started.
“You owe me a debt and I’m not leaving here until it’s paid.”
I ran back to my room and locked my door to block out the noise. I could hear her scream from him penetrating her hard. My brain went totally blank. I didn’t feel like “me” anymore. The timid and scared little girl was gone, now a new presence took over, a savior to protect a fragile little girl. Calm and collected she introduced herself as “Rocky,” and told me everything would be okay, because in that second she went to my mother’s room and grabbed her gun then ran back to the living room.
“Hey, leave my mother alone!”
Shoving her aside he lunged at me but I shot him before he could reach me. My mother was so shaken up she ran to the bathroom to unload all the content from her stomach in the toilet.
“So you’re a badass now?”
Stumbling to get up from the floor, she went back to the living room to go drink again. I could see a horde of demons consuming all her emotions, eating away at the core of her heart.
“I know you heard me!”
She tried to hit me but I caught her hand before it made contact. The look on her face was cold and stoic like she didn’t care what she did to Gina and how it fractured her deeply.
“The daughter you knew is gone,” said Rocky.
Completely drunk to a stupor and dumbfounded she didn’t know how to take this situation.
“Who are you exactly?”
Looking at me up and down like I’m an alien from another planet.
“I’m the one protecting her.”
“How dare you talk to me all crazy?”
Right at that moment rage hit me like it never had before, this woman has the galls to blame Gina for her bad outcomes.
“How dare me? No! How dare you? If it wasn’t for you and the predicament you’re in I wouldn’t be here blocking all the pain and nightmares you put on her.”
“I’m her mother, I’m the one who protected her from these streets.”
“Really! If you really protected her, then why are you constantly verbally and physically beating her the way you do?”
Before any more words were exchanged I felt Gina trying to resurface, but I pushed her back to her happy place. I’m making sure she’ll never be fractured again. My poor little Gina, her light continues to dim every time her mother strikes her; the faith she has in people is dwindling to where she doesn’t smile anymore.
Her mother drunk to a stupor barely could stand, just rambling on some nonsense.
“What are you looking at?” slurring her words.
“I’m not really sure what I’m looking at.”
Her mother started to feel some remorse as she took a swig of her drink.
“It doesn’t feel good being on the other end of that?”
“You think I wanted my life to end up like this? You think I enjoy this? I don’t!” she yelled out.
Tears started to stream down my mother’s face, like all the pain and misery just revealed how much of a monster she really is. Realizing that she loves Gina, she took all the liquor and poured it down the drain.
“Oh my God, I am a monster,” she cried looking at her refection on one of the bottles.
Screaming at the top of her lungs, she threw the bottle against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor. Rocking back and forth with the reality slapping her in the face that she’s the reason for Gina’s fragile condition.
Reflecting on the past events my mother couldn’t face Gina so she left a letter. The letter was her life story, the blood, sweat and tears of survival I never knew was possible.
Gina,
I think you’re old enough for me to tell you about my life. Be warned it’s not pretty and I know you’ll never look at me the same. I grew up on a farm with both my parents and grandparents who helped with the farm chores. I was a happy child until I went to high school, got hooked up with the wrong crowd; started getting into trouble. My parents kicked me out the house at sixteen, been bouncing from place to place looking for a job to make some money, I met a guy I thought I fell in love with. He would help with my necessities, but I got more than what I bargained for. I was prostituted out; he introduced me to the drugs and alcohol. It helped numb the pain and humiliation. When I got pregnant with you I was scared and happy at the same time. Thinking he’ll be happy too, he left a vapor trail as soon as I told him and I haven’t seen him since. I am so sorry for not loving you the way a child needs to be loved. Enclosed are a bus ticket and the address to my parents’ farm. I want you to go stay there until I get on my feet. I love you Sweet pea.
P.S.
Tell Rocky I said thank you.
Love always
Mom
Leave a Reply